#I’ve received a ton of support

[honkshoo-zzz]

hehehe guys i have a new name and i like it very much hehe *kicks feets gayly*

[cookinguptales]

So I’ve been enjoying the Disney vs. DeSantis memes as much as anyone, but like. I do feel like a lot of people who had normal childhoods are missing some context to all this.

I was raised in the Bible Belt in a fairly fundie environment. My parents were reasonably cool about some things, compared to the rest of my family, but they certainly had their issues. But they did let me watch Disney movies, which turned out to be a point of major contention between them and my other relatives.

See, I think some people think this weird fight between Disney and fundies is new. It is very not new. I know that Disney’s attempts at inclusion in their media have been the source of a lot of mockery, but what a lot of people don’t understand is that as far as actual company policy goes, Disney has actually been an industry leader for queer rights. They’ve had policies assuring equal healthcare and partner benefits for queer employees since the early 90s.

I’m not sure how many people reading this right now remember the early 90s, but that was very much not industry standard. It was a big deal when Disney announced that non-married queer partners would be getting the same benefits as the married heterosexual ones.

Like — it went further than just saying that any unmarried partners would be eligible for spousal benefits. It straight-up said that non-same-sex partners would still need to be married to receive spousal benefits, but because same-sex partners couldn’t do that, proof that they lived together as an established couple would be enough.

In other words, it put long-term same-sex partners on a higher level than opposite-sex partners who just weren’t married yet. It put them on the exact same level as heterosexual married partners.

They weren’t the first company ever to do this, but they were super early. And they were certainly the first mainstream “family-friendly” company to do it.

Conservatives lost their damn minds.

Protests, boycotts, sermons, the whole nine yards. I can’t tell you how many books about the evils of Disney my grandmother tried to get my parents to read when I was a kid.

When we later moved to Florida, I realized just how many queer people work at Disney — because historically speaking, it’s been a company that has guaranteed them safety, non-discrimination, and equal rights. That’s when I became aware of their unofficial “Gay Days” and how Christians would show up from all over the country to protest them every year. Apparently my grandmother had been upset about these days for years, but my parents had just kind of ignored her.

Out of curiosity, I ended up reading one of the books my grandmother kept leaving at our house. And friends — it’s amazing how similar that (terrible, poorly written) rhetoric was to what people are saying these days. Disney hires gay pedophiles who want to abuse your children. Disney is trying to normalize Satanism in our beautiful, Christian America. 

Just tons of conspiracy theories in there that ranged from “a few bad things happened that weren’t actually Disney’s fault, but they did happen” to “Pocahontas is an evil movie, not because it distorts history and misrepresents indigenous life, but because it might teach children respect for nature. Which, as we all know, would cause them all to become Wiccans who believe in climate change.”

Like — please, take it from someone who knows. This weird fight between fundies and Disney is not new. This is not Disney’s first (gay) rodeo. These people have always believed that Disney is full of evil gays who are trying to groom and sexually abuse children.

The main difference now is that these beliefs are becoming mainstream. It’s not just conservative pastors who are talking about this. It’s not just church groups showing up to boycott Gay Day. Disney is starting to (reluctantly) say the quiet part out loud, and so are the Republicans. Disney is publicly supporting queer rights and announcing company-supported queer events and the Republican Party is publicly calling them pedophiles and enacting politically driven revenge.

This is important, because while this fight has always been important in the history of queer rights, it is now being magnified. The precedent that a fight like this could set is staggering. For better or for worse, we live in a corporation-driven country. I don’t like it any more than you do, and I’m not about to defend most of Disney’s business practices. But we do live in a nation where rights are largely tied to corporate approval, and the fact that we might be entering an age where even the most powerful corporations in the country are being banned from speaking out in favor of rights for marginalized people… that’s genuinely scary.

Like… I’ll just ask you this. Where do you think we’d be now, in 2023, if Disney had been prevented from promising its employees equal benefits in 1994? That was almost thirty years ago, and look how far things have come. When I looked up news articles for this post from that era, even then journalists, activists, and fundie church leaders were all talking about how a company of Disney’s prominence throwing their weight behind this movement could lead to the normalization of equal protections in this country.

The idea of it scared and thrilled people in equal parts even then. It still scares and thrills them now.

I keep seeing people say “I need them both to lose!” and I get it, I do. Disney has for sure done a lot of shit over the years. But I am begging you as a queer exvangelical to understand that no. You need Disney to win. You need Disney to wipe the fucking floor with these people.

Right now, this isn’t just a fight between a giant corporation and Ron DeSantis. This is a fight about the right of corporations to support marginalized groups. It’s a fight that ensures that companies like Disney still can offer benefits that a discriminatory government does not provide. It ensures that businesses much smaller than Disney can support activism.

Hell, it ensures that you can support activism.

The fight between weird Christian conspiracy theorists and Disney is not new, because the fight to prevent any tiny victory for marginalized groups is not new. The fight against the normalization of othered groups is not new.

That’s what they’re most afraid of. That each incremental victory will start to make marginalized groups feel safer, that each incremental victory will start to turn the tide of public opinion, that each incremental victory will eventually lead to sweeping law reform.

They’re afraid that they won’t be able to legally discriminate against us anymore.

So guys! Please. This fight, while hilarious, is also so fucking important. I am begging you to understand how old this fight is. These people always play the long game. They did it with Roe and they’re doing it with Disney.

We have! To keep! Pushing back!

[anniflamma]

So I’ve received a couple of anonymous messages telling me that they were really disappointed in me for liking Elian's Antinous fanart. Instead of answering them individually, I’m just going to make an angry rant post instead. Most of if probably won't make sense anyway.

This post have talk about SA, and homophobia. Be aware. I don’t ship genuinely Telemachus and Antinous, if that’s what you’re wondering. I didn’t even consider the possibility that ship could even exist. At the end of the day, I don't care about that ship.

And do you want me to explain that I know SA is bad? Or that I’m aware Telemachus/Antinous is a toxic ship? Do you think I’m dumb and don’t know that? You don't have to explain to me either, I know that SA is bad, I have experienced it, you don't have to explain to me, trust me I know.

I like Elian's art because it’s really beautiful. Her work is a huge inspiration and encouragement for me when making animatics. But do I REALLY have to spell out, word for word, that I know Antinous is an antagonist and tries to do bad things? Does it mean every time someone draws Antinous and I like it, I have to explain that I like the drawing because it’s well done, not because I support Antinous’ intent toward Penelope and wants to kill Telemachus?

I mean, I’ve seen tons of thirsty comments like, "I hate how Zeus treats women, but your design is really hot" or "Even if Poseidon SA Demeter, this Poseidon I'd go down on all fours for!"

I have seen some stuff….

I guess I could just imitate something like that????

But I know it’s a joke and I know its a fantasy that someone is expressing. Its not real, its fictional. I know all those thirsty ppl who simp over Poseidon, Zeus, or even Antinous aren’t supporting hatred and violence toward women. And yes, I am expecting that you should already know this too. Because if we gonna assume the worst of ppl… Then everyone who likes Greek myth/Epic the musical are pro SA. "Do you like Crice from Epic the musical? That means that you support her actions, you support SA!" "Oh you like Odysseus?! He killed a baby and all of his female slaves cuz they got SA by the suitors! You support infanticide, slavery and SA!" Do you hear how dumb that sounds? To be honest, I wouldn’t be that surprised if there are some who think like this. I mean, this discussion wouldn’t even be a thing, right.

And if you don’t know, I literally make thirst art of Poseidon (and that includes Zeus and Hermes), and you don’t see it as a bad thing??? It’s Poseidon… Do you know what he has done to women in the myths?!

Im going to ramble here and I will bring up stories from greek myth that have SA in it. So be aware.

One example is the story of Caeneus. When Caeneus was a woman, his parents left him to take care of the house while they were out running errands. Poseidon took that as an opportunity to break into the house and sexually assault him. This is probably the only myth where Poseidon actually feels bad after what he did, so he grants Caeneus a wish. Aww, how sweet~~~ /sarcasm.

Do I need to give an example of Zeus? We all know what Zeus does. But hey, I’ve made Poseidon/Hermes ship art. And guess what? There’s a story where Hermes breaks a woman’s leg so she can’t run away from him, and then he sexually assaults her. Isn’t that cute~~! /sarcasm

Heck, I can even go on with my biblical ships. David/Jonathan—David, a serial assaulter and murderer, and Jonathan, a mass murderer. But do I support their actions? No, I do not support mass murder, and its really dumb that I have to spell it out for you.

Daniel/Darius is even questionable too! It's literally a king and his servant, and that power imbalance is so big I don’t know what to tell you! Do I have to spell it out that I know that, in real life, king/servant relationships aren’t cute at all?!

All of these characters that I’ve listed have done or represent horrible things. And I have to tell you that I don't support their actions?! Really? You really can't think outside the box?

But do you see what I’m trying to tell you? We can simp over other ancient mythological figures but Antinous is the red line that we can never cross??? It’s hypocritical and immature, that’s what it is.

Right now, ppl loves the Ody seduces Zeus art I made. And that "ship" is well really questionable too! But nobody have called me a witch and tries to burn me at the stake yet. 😐

And the thing is, I can separate these fictional characters from the real world. I can also separate the fictional material from other fictional interpretations. Exemple, I like The Song of Achilles, in it, they are the same age, but I am also aware that in the Iliad, Achilles is 16 and Patroclus is 26. But do I automatically assume that Madeline Miller likes teens? No! Do I assume that everyone who likes The Song Of Achilles like that shit? No!

But we still can have a disscussion about it without making it into a witch trial.

As long as we can separate different fictional materials, then everything is fine. It only becomes a problem if a person can’t separate them. Then we have a problem. I can acknowledge that my depiction of King David from the bible is not the same as from the original story and that he is horrible person towards women. If I couldn't acknowledge that, then its bad! The same goes for Antinous if someone makes an AU or headcanon about him. If someone want so make AUs about Antinous, my first thoughts isnt "Oh they like to SA ppl!". At the end of the day, this is just a group from tiktok who didn’t like a toxic ship and decided to bully an artist while acting like they have superior morals.

And I get this type of shit from christians when I make my queer bible interpitations, both from those that don't like the queer stuff but also those that points out that David and Jonathan were horrible ppl.

So I rarely answer comments like this because they usually end up spewing beliefs filled with homophobia and Islamophobia. Heck rasism sometimes, apparently, Christians don’t know that the Bible takes place in the Middle East, and they are angry at me for drawing them looking like Arabs! I just delete their comments before they gets there. Making queer biblical animatics on TikTok that go viral on the Christian side is not fun at all guys....

And hate to say it but tiktok Epic fans sound really similar. You are acting like you’re on a pedestal, holier than thou. Its just a different font.

+ I haven’t forgotten all those homophobic comments I got on my David/Jonathan animatic that I posted right after my Ruthlessness animatic. Epic fans were saying they didn’t want “that gay shit” and wanted to see more Epic stuff. Hate to break it to you all, but the Epic fandom isn’t that innocent.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻 | joel miller x reader x emmett

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | the last thing you wanted to do was make emmett jealous, or question your loyalty to him; but as it turns out, he may be a little more supportive than you expected when he catches you looking at joel miller.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 | 7.1k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut - 18+ only (threesome, established relationship, sharing/hotwife kink, daddy kink, oral m and f receiving, anal and DP, creampie, light choking, overstimulation/multiple orgasms, some very gentle/mild degradation, tons and tons of praise), implied age gap (not specified, obviously reader is an adult), takes place in the last of us universe but pretty much porn without plot lol so don't overthink it

In the last year of traveling with Emmett, you’d mostly avoided the QZs.  He said that the people there were cheats and liars at best— and that’s to say nothing of the corrupt military leaders that actually ran the place.  However, desperation puts people into positions they never expected to be. 

After all, you would’ve never imagined being with a man like him, though in this case you meant it in a good way— that you never thought someone as brave and resourceful as him would want somebody like you.

But, that said, you made yourself useful when you could.  The best thing you could offer was your medical knowledge, and you were always the one tending to Emmett after injuries or illness.  Still, he promised that he loved you for who you were, not what you could do for him.  He was shockingly gentle, and passionate, especially for someone who had been forced to be rather ruthless to survive in this new world.

So, while you had been avoiding the quarantined areas and sticking to abandoned strips of forest and city, a lack of food out there forced you to venture to Boston— or, what was left of it.

Fortunately, you'd found more hospitality here than you expected.  Maybe it was just pity— and wanting some more of that ammo Emmett had sold him— but a man named Joel Miller had given you a place to stay and helped you earn some rations here so you could finally eat.  He reminded you of Emmett in some ways: stoic, hardworking, and generous beneath that hardened exterior.  But Emmett had become much more sensitive and open with you in your time together, and Joel was all but a stranger.  Sometimes he was so stern that he almost seemed irritated with you, but he kept letting you and Emmett stay, so he must not have been too annoyed by you.

And, you helped him how you could— like when he was in yours and Emmett’s room, sitting in the chair and talking to Emmett about something to do with tomorrow’s open jobs, and you noticed a cut across his palm.

“I-I can help with that,” you offered softly, motioning to the injury.  “Do you want me to bandage it for you?”

“It’s not that bad,” Joel shook his head.

“It’s easier to clean it now than worry about an infection later,” you reminded him.

Though he seemed a little tense, glancing at Emmett for a moment, he relented with a nod.  You smiled lightly as you stepped forward and knelt by Joel’s feet, picking up his hand and examining the cut.

Once you figured what it needed, you quickly hopped up to rifle through your bag, bringing back a disinfectant wipe and a roll of gauze.  Holding his hand open— and feeling a little flustered from touching his warm, rough skin— you carefully wiped up the cut.  “Does it hurt at all?” you asked him.

“Not too bad,” he replied lowly.

“You should see Emmett when I’ve gotta wrap him up,” you giggled, “he always acts like what I’m doing hurts more than when he actually got the injury in the first place.”

“Hey,” Emmett warned you in a stern voice, but you smiled up at Joel who returned with a small smirk.

“Alright, all better,” you hummed as you finished bandaging Joel.  “Let me know if it’s hurting you too much, that’s a bad sign.  Don’t just ignore it and act tough, okay?”

Joel seemed a little uncomfortable— if not sort of amused by— taking orders from you, but he nodded.  “I’ll let y’all get to bed now,” he decided as he stood up.  “Sleep well.  Lot of work to be done in the morning.”

“G’night,” Emmett offered him with a nod.

You felt a little strange, him standing up fully while you were still on your knees on the floor.  “Goodnight, Joel,” you said, your voice sounding sweeter and girlier than you intended.  Your face felt warm— you worried Emmett had noticed the change in your voice, too, but would he think much of it if he had?  

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything about it that night, simply pulling you close when you got into bed, burying his face in your neck.

But the next night, that was a different story.  You weren’t actually going to sleep yet, even though it was late enough for it— he’d already changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants, while you were still in your dress, but he’d laid back on top of the sheets and patted the bed, silently asking you to join him.  You smiled and obeyed, of course, leaving the lamp on as you slipped in by his side.

Emmett held you gently, rubbing your back as you laid your head on his chest.  “You’re not too tired, are you?” he asked quietly.

For what? you wondered, but just shook your head instead.

“We can stay up a little longer,” he decided.  “Didn’t get a chance to hold you all day.”

“Yeah,” you sighed wistfully, nuzzling in more as you squeezed his torso a bit.

“Or talk to you much,” he continued.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” you asked, looking up at him from your head’s happy place on his shoulder.

“Just something I noticed,” Emmett replied, looking back at you sweetly as he brushed your hair aside with his fingers.  "I think you've got a crush on Joel."

You froze, face getting warm in an instant.  "I-I only want you, Emmett, I swear— you know I would never—"

"Shh, shh," he soothed as he chuckled a little, "it's okay, baby.  I'm not angry with you… you're not doin' anything wrong."

"Really?" you asked nervously, and he nodded.  "I thought you might be jealous…"

He shook his head and laughed a little.

"I-I just think he's handsome," you explained, "and sort of nice— but that's really it!"

"It's alright, baby," he purred, "cause you know something?  I was talking to him earlier today, and he wants you too."

Your sat up and your eyes went wide as you tried to imagine that conversation.  You could hardly believe that that was true, let alone that Joel has admitted it to Emmett… or had Joel approached Emmett about it, asking for a night with you?  Oh god, your head already hurt trying to wrap itself around this…

"I know how hard it is to keep a naughty little thing like you satisfied," Emmett explained with a smirk, sitting up with you and speaking softly beside your ear.  “I'm willing to bring in a little… outside help."

Just then, the door opened slowly and Joel stepped inside.  You watched him, totally unsure how to feel, as he shut the door behind himself, and then his eyes met yours.

"C'mere," Emmett offered to Joel, patting the bed beside you two.  "No need to be shy, Miller."

You watched as Joel took a seat on the bed, and you looked at Emmett as you lowered your voice.  "You don't have to do this for me," you promised him softly.  "You know I love you— I only need you—"

"It's okay," he soothed as he pet your face.  "I told you, I'm not angry.  I want you to do this."

"You… want me to?"

"If you want it," Emmett replied.

You shivered as Joel leaned forward a bit, reaching out to gently rub up and down your leg.  "What do you think, princess?" he asked softly.  "Don't worry, you're not gonna hurt my feelings if you say you don't wanna—"

"I want to," you admitted quickly, afraid to lose your courage if you waited any longer to say it.

Both men smiled at you as you looked back and forth between them; Joel's warm brown eyes against Emmett's steely blue ones… they were so similar, and so opposite, in so many impossible ways.

Without saying anything, Joel suddenly lifted your chin and guided you into a kiss.

You felt strange kissing someone other than Emmett, something you hadn't done in quite some time.  Joel's lips weren't as soft as Emmett's, and his kiss wasn't as gentle; he moved his hand to the back of your neck to hold you close, gently pressing his tongue into your mouth.  It wasn't too aggressive or anything, but it was certainly quite forward.  Emmett's hands were still on you, gently rubbing your back, and you reached back to find and hold one just as your other arm wrapped around Joel's broad shoulders.

Joel made you gasp by breaking away to kiss at your neck instead; you squeezed Emmett's hand slightly.  "Fuck, she sounds so pretty," Joel noticed when you moaned at his teeth teasing your pulse.

"Yeah," Emmett agreed.  "She can get loud, too, so let's just hope she doesn't wake anybody up…"

Joel pulled your hand away from Emmett's and guided it to the bulge in his jeans; you sighed as you felt it, a hot feeling stirring in your chest.  "See how you got me all worked up already?" he scolded you playfully.  "C'mon and take it out for me."

Your hands were shaking more than you realized when you brought them to unfasten his belt… it felt new, and exhilarating, and a little scary as well, to be with someone new after so long.  But you remembered when it was new with Emmett and it felt like this, exciting and weird and wonderful all at the same time.  But you'd known Emmett longer before anything happened between you— you'd only met Joel a few days ago.

Joel exhaled sharply through his nose when you reached into his boxers and wrapped your fingers around his erection.  It was so hot to the touch, you were worried your fingers felt cold to him, but he didn't seem to mind much.  You shuddered as you released it from the fabric, your mouth falling slack and your hand instinctively beginning to stroke it gently.

Joel's cock wasn't as long as Emmett's, but it was thicker, with a slight curve to one side.  Regardless of exactly what it looked like, you were just amazed to see and stroke another cock but Emmett's— it had been so long, and you hadn't been with all too many people before Emmett anyways.

"Show him what you can do, baby," Emmett encouraged in a low voice, and you nodded as you leaned down to capture Joel's cock between your lips. 

He hummed as you licked and sucked the tip, swirling your tongue over the head.  But he groaned aloud when you dipped lower and took as much as you could into your mouth, letting the tip of his cock bump into the back of your throat.

Then you set your pace, hollowing your cheeks and slowly moving up and down on his length.  Your jaw ached slightly already and you'd only just started.

You felt Joel's hand on the back of your head, not pushing you down but just guiding you in your movements.

"Mm," Joel praised with a grunt.  "Your girl's got a sweet fuckin' mouth, Emmett…"

"Yeah," he agreed, "and she loves using it— gets her so wet, feel it."

You whimpered slightly as Joel reached back over you and pulled up your dress, slipping a hand inside your panties.  His fingers curled through your lips, even toying with your swollen clit for a moment, and you moaned around the thick cock in your mouth.

"Damn," Joel chuckled, "she's soaked."

You broke away from Joel and turned around, looking at Emmett expectantly as you sat on the bed.  "Can I suck you too?  Please?"

Joel chuckled a little as Emmett nodded, letting you pull his pajama pants down as his hard cock bounced free.  It was nice to get back to what you knew for a moment, and you didn't hesitate at all to take hold of him and lick a long stripe up his shaft.

Joel took the opportunity while you were facing away from him to toss up your dress and pull your panties down; he purred at the way the fabric stuck to your pussy, peeling off slowly with all the wetness there.  "Fuckin' gorgeous," Joel groaned as he got a good look at it.  

Two thick fingers rubbed over your clit until your toes curled; putting your head down in Emmett's lap to suck him sort of forced your hips up, nearly at eye-level with Joel, and feeling him explore you so gently made you feel exposed in the best way.

He slid one finger into your hole, just one, and you clenched down on him.  "Damn," Joel groaned.  "I don't know how you find the energy to do anything but fill this pretty little pussy of hers, Emmett."

But Emmett wasn't really paying attention to him— he was watching you with heavy eyes and a slack mouth, petting your hair as you bobbed your head on his cock.

"Just like that," Emmett praised you quietly.  When you moaned around him in response, it turned into a muffled cry as Joel suddenly took his finger out of you and replaced it with his tongue.  His hands held your ass and kept you spread wide for him, burying his face in your pussy and tasting everything his tongue could reach… which was a lot.  Your whole body quivered when he licked a long stripe up from the base of your clit all the way up, higher and higher, even running over that hole as you shuddered.  

Your moans vibrated through Emmett's cock and his hand in your hair tightened into a fist and tugged on you a bit.  "Fuck," Joel moaned against your soaking folds, "tastes even better than it looks."

"Feels even better than it tastes," Emmett promised with a smile, though he snarled as he pulled your head off of him by your hair and guided you into a rough, dominating kiss.  He all but threw you back towards Joel, and you were sort of dazed and moving on instinct as Joel turned you around to face him.

But as you leaned down to suck Joel's cock again, he stopped you with a hand around your neck.  "Taste yourself first," he ordered before he kissed you, diving his tongue right into your open mouth as you whined at the tangy flavor of your arousal coating his lips.  

He pulled you back from the kiss with a growl, holding your hair and examining your face— you must have looked fucked out already, panting through your mouth and looking at him as you waited for your next instruction.

“Was she always this desperate?” Joel asked Emmett, though he was still looking at you. “Or did you train her?”

“A little of column A, a little of column B,” Emmett replied with a light chuckle.

He shoved your head back down into his lap, guiding his cock to your waiting lips and groaning when you swallowed it down.  “Good fucking girl,” he praised.  “So fuckin’ dirty— damn, that tongue…”

You gagged harder on Joel’s cock when you felt Emmett toying with your clit, teasing you with slow and delicate circles that made your toes curl.  “Wanna fuck her?” Emmett asked Joel simply; your hole pulsed in anticipation.  The way they talked over you, like you weren’t even there, was sort of irritating: but it made you so desperate, and you couldn’t even figure out why.

Joel just laughed.  “Are you kidding?” he wondered.

It was Emmett’s hand that pulled you off of Joel’s cock, but Joel grabbed your neck— not too tightly, just enough to make you let a whimper out of your open mouth— and flared his nostrils as he stared closely at your face.

“Get on your hands and knees for me,” he ordered firmly, and you nodded right away.  They both let you go and you took the position, feeling a little shy again suddenly— like you had any right to be shy now.  You faced Emmett, your hands on either side of his lap as he sat up on the bed, and he reached up to hold your face as you heard Joel get up and kneel behind you.

He teased you by running the head through your folds a few times, your lip catching between your teeth as the tip bumped against your swollen clit.  Emmett studied your face closely, watching your mouth go slack and your brows knit together as Joel pushed just barely inside you.

And then you cried out, far too loud, because he shoved the rest of the way in at once.  "Shit," Joel hissed, "fuckin' tight little thing.  Fuck."

You could feel his gaze on your hole, no doubt watching himself split you open so wide, when his hands spread your ass open again for a better view.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy,” Joel awarded it with a sigh.  “Fuck, feel how good you fuckin’ take that?  Feel how easy this big cock slides right into ya?  Such a sweet little girl…”

Easy was one way to describe it— and yes, you were wet enough that he hardly had any resistance— but it felt like too much to really be easy.  You fluttered your eyes open, not even noticing that you’d shut them, and found Emmett’s gaze still on you.  How was it possible that he was looking at you with so much pride in his eyes?  You bit your lip and returned his stare, whimpering each time Joel thrusted roughly into you.  

"How's it feel, baby?" Emmett asked you as he gently stroked your cheek.

You choked a little, not sure you could find the words for it.  "Different," you managed to blurt out, and both men chuckled a little.

"Yeah, bet it is different," Joel agreed, "don't think I'm gonna be as sweet with'ya as your old man here usually is."

Well, fair enough: Joel wasn't in love with you, so why should he treat you the same?  Actually, your thighs shook a little as you thought about that… Joel just wanted to use you, fuck you like a toy and toss you back to Emmett when he was done.  It should've been demeaning, but it made your back arch a little deeper.

"Yeah, fuck," Joel praised, "she likes that.  Wants me to fuck her harder, I can tell."

“Then do it,” Emmett instructed him.

Joel gripped your hips tightly and slammed into you, making you choke on your own cry.  “F-fuck—” you stammered, suddenly gripping Emmett’s shoulders for stability.

“God,” Joel choked behind you; you could feel the bandage you’d given him as his hands held onto your hips, keeping you steady so he could pump into you as hard and fast as he liked.

You whined and dropped your head on Emmett’s shoulder, hearing him gently soothe you as each thrust rocked you forward into him.  “Takin’ it so well,” he praised softly, “that’s my girl…”

Emmett started to push your dress down your arms and chest, exposing your tits for his big hands to rub slowly; Joel reached around and felt them too— and four hands on you felt like more than you could keep track of.  A hand running up your thighs, squeezing your ass, teasing your tits, even wrapping around your throat and threatening to tighten… you were overwhelmed, in the best way.

"God, she's so perfect," Joel breathed.  "Can't believe you let me borrow her."

"Just don't come inside her," Emmett instructed, "that's just for me."

"Fuck, I don't mind," Joel grunted, "think I'll like painting that pretty face…"

“She swallows, too,” Emmett smiled, “if you like that.”

“Like it?  Fuck,” Joel laughed, “that’s fucking hot.”

“E-Emmett,” you whimpered in protest, “I never… I’ve never done that for anybody but you…”

“Well, it’s not so different for anybody else,” Emmett assured you with a chuckle.  “You’ll swallow his come if I tell you to, won’tcha?”

You bit your lip and nodded.

“Good girl.”

That was all you really wanted— to be good for him.  And you felt your chest fill with pride knowing he was happy with you now, even if you’d never expected this to make him happy.  He could be very protective of you, and you assumed he would never want another man to lay a hand on you— he’d killed men for less, actually.  But you realized that there was a massive difference: those men had threatened to hurt you, had scared you, had tried to take you from him.  Joel was the first man other than Emmett that you’d trusted, let alone shown any interest in.  Emmett was too busy fighting off creeps to mention that he didn’t actually mind good guys getting a chance with you, apparently.

Joel kneaded a handful of your ass roughly, and you whimpered when you felt one of his fingertips start to rub gently against your other hole.  “What about this hole?” he asked with a groan.  “This just for you, too?”

Emmett grinned a bit.  “She’s only done that a few times… what do you think, baby, wanna let Joel try your ass?”

It was already quite an ordeal to get Emmett to fit in there, and you whined just imagining Joel trying to fit that thick cock in your ass— “Oh my god, she just got so fucking wet,” Joel noticed.  Clearly, imagining it was having some effect on you.  “Think she wants it— don’t ya, sweet girl?”

Though your cheeks burned with shame, you nodded, and both men chuckled darkly.  “Warm her up first,” Emmett suggested.

“Of course,” Joel agreed, “wouldn’t wanna break your toy.”

You moaned just from him saying that, before he’d even started to gently press his finger inside you.  He spit right down onto it as he slid the digit inside, making you clench around him— both ways.  He hummed lowly, twisting and curling the finger into you, still fucking your pussy (though slower than before, thank god).

You gasped as a second finger carefully slid in, almost pushing you too far and making you wince slightly— but Emmett soothed you and kissed the side of your face, rubbing your back to help keep you relaxed.  “You can take it,” Emmett promised, “be my good girl, okay?  Let him get you ready.”

You nodded and clung tighter to Emmett, moaning when Joel twisted his fingers around and even curled them a bit inside you.  “Not too much, is it?” Joel wondered when you whined loudly.

“No, she’s tougher than she looks,” Emmett answered— you sort of thought that question was for you, but you were too desperate to answer properly anyways.

Joel could pump those fingers in and out of you now, picking up the pace slightly to match the way he thrust his cock into your cunt, but when he tried to spread them a little wider he didn’t have much luck.  “Still too tight, I think,” Joel noticed with a laugh.  “Y’sure she can get stretched out enough for it?”

“Yeah,” Emmett promised, “I can help, hold on—”

He brought two fingers to your open mouth; you sucked on them instinctively, shutting your eyes and moving your head forward to swallow them as deep as you could.  What Joel said before suddenly made sense— he really did have you trained.

You bobbed and suckled on Emmett’s long fingers, hearing him whisper his praises to you before he suddenly pulled them out— your open mouth chased after them for a second, and Joel seemed to notice with a small, condescending laugh— and reached over your back, pushing the slick fingers into your hole right beside Joel’s.

“Fuck!” you yelped at the feeling, legs shaking as you realized you’d never been this full: a cock and four fingers, it was more than you’d ever imagined.

Joel groaned a little, picking up the pace of his thrusts into your pussy again, and you did your best to breathe steady as those fingers pumped in and out of you.  You couldn’t deny the way it turned you on— none of you could, you could hear it as Joel fucked you slowly.  “She’s fuckin’ dripping, Emmett,” Joel noticed with a sigh, “she really likes this little ass played with, huh?”

Emmett laughed and nodded in agreement.  “She likes doing what she’s told,” he clarified.

“Such a good little slut,” Joel praised, and you whimpered before Emmett kissed you again.

They continued that way until you worried you’d start begging for a cock in your ass if they made you wait anymore— thankfully, they didn’t make you embarrass yourself like that, Emmett felt with his fingers and saw in your eyes that you were ready.  Pulling his fingers out of you, he glanced at Joel behind you: “Go ahead,” he offered simply.

Joel’s fingers left your ass, too, and you felt empty there but different— when his cock slipped from your cunt, you gasped a little at having nothing inside you for the first time in a while, and you glanced back at him.  “Yeah,” Joel encouraged, “keep lookin’ back at me while I put my cock in your ass.”

You felt a little awkward doing that, but you did it anyways, biting your lip as he met your gaze and lined up his thick head with your stretched ass.  He was still soaked from being in your pussy, and your ass was pretty much dripping with spit now, so he didn’t have too much trouble pushing into your puckered hole— but it was still tight, and you still winced (but kept your eyes on him, of course).

Even with all that prep, you shuddered and whined as Joel slowly slid into your ass— he savored every inch, licking his lips and groaning as he stretched you wider and wider.  He seemed to just get thicker, even at the very base of him, and your eyes rolled back when he was seated in you all the way.  And then he punched his hips just that little bit more, apparently intent on burying himself in you as far as humanly possible; you gasped and hugged Emmett tighter, turning your head towards him again but shutting your eyes tight from the sting of the stretch.  

“God fucking damn,” Joel moaned, digging his fingers into the skin of your hips, clearly trying to control himself.  “Fuck, Emmett, you’ve really got yourself such a perfect little fucktoy— where’d you find her?”

Emmett smiled wide, stroking your hair and looking at your face— painted with filthy pleasure— tenderly.  “She found me,” he answered.  “Still got no fuckin’ idea how I got so lucky.”

Joel started to move, making you tighten your hands into weak fists, and set a careful pace that gave you some time to adjust… even if not quite as much as you would’ve wanted.

A sudden, sharp thrust nearly knocked you forward— thankfully Emmett was there to catch you— and you moaned loudly.  Emmett laid down slightly, letting you lay on top of him and hide your face in his chest.  “That’s my girl,” he praised quietly.

As Joel’s movements sped up a little more, he sighed, seeming to find a comfortable pace (for him, at least) as you forced yourself not to tense up: it didn’t hurt, but it was certainly an intense feeling, especially when you felt Joel’s heavy balls slap against your dripping pussy.

"This'll be better than coming on your face," Joel grinned.  "Filling up this tight ass, fuck, you're so dirty, baby…"

You felt someone move your hips down a bit, changing the angle of it all, but you were too lost in it to even know who it was.  Emmett kissed your neck, teeth teasing your pulse, and you whined— you would beg him to bite you and leave a mark that everyone could see, if you could speak at all right now.

Your legs ended up straddling Emmett’s lap, and you gasped when you felt his cock press against your pussy— you'd been too distracted to even notice him taking it out— and he cooed at you sweetly.  "You can take both, right?" he asked quietly.  "You've always got room for me, don't you?"

Though you were still intimidated by the idea, you nodded as you bit your lip.

"That's my girl," Emmett praised, grabbing your hips and pulling you down onto his cock.

You almost screamed at the feeling of being so full, digging your fingers into Emmett’s shoulders.  He looked up at you with eager eyes, watching you struggle to take them both— but you eventually relaxed enough to sink down and fit them both to the hilt.

“Good fucking girl,” Joel praised with a groan, holding on tight to your hips as he started to move again slowly— as for Emmett, his hands moved from your waist to your head to guide you into a sloppy, needy kiss.

Your moans were loud yet weak, your shaky hands clutching at Emmett desperately as they both pumped into you.  Joel seemed almost overwhelmed by it, too, leaning down over you, growling and biting at your neck and shoulder. 

“F-fuck, dunno how long I can last like this,” Joel admitted, “so fucking tight…”

You jumped slightly when one of Joel's rough hands reached around your hips and slid down to your clit, rubbing at the bud until you jerked back from the sudden intense sensation.

"Just wanna feel you come first, princess," he explained with a purr.

“A-ah, fuck,” you whimpered, shaking all over as you tried to process all that you were feeling.  They moved you around how they wanted you, and at some point Emmett was sitting up and holding you in his lap while Joel kept thrusting into your ass from behind while holding your shoulder— how were you supposed to keep track of all the anatomy of this, while you had two big cocks stretching you open and Joel’s rough, experienced fingers on your clit.

Emmett moaned against your skin as he kept sucking on your neck, meanwhile Joel was speaking gruffly by your ear, sending chills up your spine.  “Can you come, princess?” he asked darkly.  “‘Round both our cocks?”

“Yes,” you admitted in a gasp, “fuck— Emmett, can I come?”

He smiled against your neck; “Of course, babydoll,” he breathed.  “Let’s show Joel how much you love bein’ fucked like a whore.”

You wrapped your arms around Emmett’s neck, dropping your head limply back on Joel’s shoulder as the feeling washed over you: you tightened up everywhere, inside and out, and they both groaned as they watched you give in to ecstasy.  You weren’t even sure whose hands were where anymore, but they were everywhere, and even through your exhaustion you felt desperation guide your hips to move on their own— chasing an even higher pleasure.

“Fuck,” Joel grunted as he watched you go, his own thrusts getting faster and rougher.  “Fuck, that’s so cute.”

You didn’t expect him to describe you like that in a time like this, and you whimpered as your walls flexed again.  You could tell Joel was getting a little desperate himself, that bandaged hand giving your clit a break and holding your hip tightly instead.  “Come in her ass, Joel,” Emmett ordered with a sigh, staring at your face with heavy eyes, “she’s ready.”

He did it pretty much instantly, groaning lowly and tossing his head back with a sharp breath in through his teeth; you felt him flexing, and it stretched your tighter hole even just that much more.  You whined softly at the feeling, hearing distantly little praises from Emmett, and finally Joel finished and pulled out of you with a little hiss.

It was less of a relief than you expected— your ass was still stretched and sore, and Emmett was still so deep inside you… and then, a moment later, you felt that hot trickle out of your used hole.  You felt filthy with Joel’s come running out of you like that, tickling your inner thigh as it dribbled down— but the way Emmett was looking at you seemed to remove any sense of shame you had left.

"God, look how beautiful you are," Emmett grunted as he guided you to move faster in his lap, "men just can't help it with you, can they?  Bet every guy in this town wants you, bet they're all thinking about having you to themselves— but you're mine, huh?  My girl?"

"Yes," you sobbed, "yes, I'm yours— all yours, Emmett, always—"

"Gonna show Joel whose girl you are," Emmett promised with a growl.  "Gonna get this pussy nice and full how you like it."

"Yes," you said again, a needy groan this time— the tip of his cock was hitting so deep inside you that you could hardly breathe, yet you only wanted more.  "Yes, please, please— come in me, daddy."

"Damn," Joel laughed, "she is dirty."

Emmett grinned.  "Only gets that way when she's real desperate.  Needs her daddy's come so bad…"

“Please,” you begged shakily, feeling him pull you closer and start to buck his hips up into you faster; he was breathing roughly, quickly, and you knew that he was getting close, but he had a habit of holding back until he absolutely couldn’t take it anymore just so he could watch you like this for as long as possible.  

Apparently unsatisfied with the speed and control he could reach with you on top of him, Emmett pushed you back down onto the bed, holding your legs and fucking you hard and fast— you cried out, arching your back as his hands slid up to hold your waist.

You gasped loudly when Joel unexpectedly leaned down and sucked on one of your tits; your back arched even further towards it, and you heard him moan against your skin as his tongue circled the hardened bud.  Emmett's mouth suddenly found the other one, without his pace slowing down at all, and you could've screamed right then.  You hadn't realized how sensitive they would be, and never in your life had you had both sucked on at once— it was so overwhelming, it was making jolts of white hot pleasure burst inside you, and fuck Emmett’s cock was filling you just right, hitting that perfect spot—

"I'm coming," you sobbed, "f-fuck, daddy, I'm coming—"

Emmett groaned loudly, his mouth falling slack around your breast as hot breaths fanned your skin.  You felt him starting to flex inside you, and you moaned louder knowing he was filling you so deep.  His grunts were in time with his deep, hard thrusts into you, and you went numb and tingly all over as the orgasm seemed to drain everything out of you.

Finally, he slowed to a stop, moving up to kiss you slow and sweet— both of you breathing heavily against each other, your shaky fingers reaching up to hold his face and run through his hair.

He broke away and sat up with a sigh; you wanted to kiss him longer, but you were too exhausted to even complain, simply relaxing against the bed and almost wincing when he pulled out of your sore cunt.

Emmett sat back and tugged your limp form up a bit, cradling you as he held your back to his chest.  “Oh, look at that,” he whispered just beside your ear, reaching down to rub your thigh, “all’a my come running out of you… both holes nice and full just how you need… so fuckin’ pretty, baby, my pretty little girl…”

You just whimpered sleepily, soaking in the warmth of Emmett’s embrace.

"Why don't you taste her now, Joel?" Emmett suddenly offered him with a smirk.  

Before you could process that idea, Emmett was holding your legs open while Joel dived down between them.  You whimpered as Joel licked up through your folds, your whole body getting hot at the thought of Joel tasting you and Emmett.  He really didn't mind doing that with another man's come?  The idea that he might just be that insatiable for you…

He suddenly latched on to your clit and sucked hard, making you yelp and buck your hips— but Joel and Emmett were both holding onto you tight, keeping you steady as your body shook uncontrollably.

"Oh, that's it's," Emmett praised, "let him taste you, baby— let Joel lick that pretty pussy, okay?"

"F-fuck— s'really sensitive—" you choked out.

Emmett held you tighter, both hands groping your breasts and his fingertips gently toying with your nipples.  “Bein’ so good for me,” he praised in a low, rough voice.  “So fuckin’ pretty when you’re getting your pussy ate, babydoll— never get to appreciate it ‘cause I’m too busy doin’ it.  But you look so fuckin’ cute like this…”

Your back arched, pushing your shoulders against Emmett's chest as he held you, and he trailed gentle kisses along your shoulder and up your neck. 

"Gonna come, huh?" he noticed, pinching your nipples harder until you whined.  "It's okay, baby, let Joel make you come.  Just one more and you can rest…"

“C-can’t,” you choked, “can’t come anymore—”

“Shh, you can,” Emmett promised.  “You can show Joel how good you are for me, huh?  You can come when I tell you to.”

“Fuck,” you sobbed, grabbing onto Emmett’s hand tightly— though your other hand gripped a handful of Joel’s salt-and-pepper hair, making him look up at you with those dark brown eyes…

“Mhm, you can do it,” Emmett continued, squeezing your hand in encouragement.  “Put your tongue inside her, Joel.”

You shuddered and quaked when Joel obeyed, the most filthy sounds filling the room while Joel lapped and sucked at your leaking pussy.  Emmett’s hand— the one you weren’t holding onto for dear life— groped your tits roughly, pinching your nipples hard enough to make you buck your hips against Joel’s face, but Joel still had that iron-tight grip on your hips to keep you where he needed you.

Joel was moaning lowly against your skin, focusing his tongue attention back on your clit— from teasing little circles around it to hard, rough licks right over it.  This time, when he went back to sucking on the nub harder than ever, you knew you couldn’t hold it back anymore.  “Fuck, Joel!” you screamed, making him groan darkly again.  “I’m gonna come!”

Emmett dragged his teeth over the shell of your ear, laughing softly yet wickedly.  “You’re sayin’ his name now?” he noticed.  “You’re not coming for him, baby, you’re coming for me.  Because I told you to.  Yes?”

“Yes, yes,” you promised, chanting it mindlessly.  “Yours, Emmett— fuck, I’m yours, you know I am.  Only yours.”

His hand moved from your breast to your face, turning it far enough to look at him— those eyes were boring into you, and you whimpered with your lip between your teeth as you hoped you hadn’t disappointed him.  “Say it again,” he demanded.

“Yours,” you repeated as you looked into his eyes— even though your imminent orgasm made it harder and harder to keep your eyes open.  “I’m yours, daddy.”

He grabbed your jaw and kissed you hard, his tongue keeping your mouth wide open; he swallowed every moan as you came, moaning himself like he could taste your pleasure in the kiss, holding your hand tighter than ever. 

Joel kept eating you out even when your whole body was shaking, even when your weak little hand was trying to push his head away— he only stopped when Emmett’s hand joined yours, just one touch and Joel lifted his head and sighed.

Emmett guided your hand back up to his face, and you held it (with what little strength you had) as you kept kissing him… though the kiss changed, it went from rough and hungry to soft and slow and gentle.

He stopped kissing you just enough to speak, his thumb petting your cheek so you would open your eyes.  “You did so good for me, babydoll,” he cooed under his breath.

Knowing you had finally done everything he wanted, you melted limply into Emmett’s arms, who chuckled a little at your exhaustion.  

“Looks like you really wore her out, Miller.”

“You did, too,” Joel returned.  “Besides, at that age, I’m guessin’ she’ll be raring to go again by the end of the hour.”

Emmett snorted.  “I can get her begging in five minutes,” he countered.

“Please— m’too tired,” you whimpered, cuddling up tighter against Emmett— but his hand was already snaking up your thigh, teasing further between your legs.

“Too tired, huh?” he taunted quietly, petting closer to your sore pussy until your legs spread naturally to let him touch where he wanted.  “Good girl.”

Two fingers delicately teased you, circling around your clit but never quit reaching it— until you were rocking your hips up to try to find some attention in the right spot.

When he did touch your clit, ever so gently, you shivered and mumbled his name; your eyes still closed, you hid your face in his neck and began to shamelessly rock against his fingers.  He teased your opening, making it apparent how wet you still were, but never dipped inside no matter how hard you tried to tempt him to.

“Please,” you whispered, too desperate to feel guilty for it at all, “Emmett, I need—”

“Jesus,” Joel laughed, “didn’t take long at all, did it?”

“Nope,” Emmett agreed.

“So fuckin’ needy,” Joel groaned.

“Yep,” Emmett responded simply again.  “Tell us what you need, babydoll…”

“I…I need…” you mumbled, face getting warm.  “Need to be full…”

“With what?” Joel pressed.

“Um…” you stalled, nervous to admit it but knowing they wouldn’t rest until you did.  “With a… a cock.”

Emmett snorted.  “Any cock?” he wondered.

“W-well, I figured one of you two—”

They both laughed a little, and you felt silly but your walls tightened against themselves.  “We’re not young like you, sweetpea— it’s not that easy,” Joel explained.  “Gonna need a little more patience…”

“But— but you got me all worked up!” you whined.  “You did that on purpose…”

“Yeah,” Emmett admitted with a purr, “yeah, baby, I did that on purpose.”

You pouted a bit.  “You’re mean sometimes…”

“Mhm,” he agreed with a soft laugh, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Joel.  “How long will it take you to get hard again?”

“Not that long,” Joel answered, “if she puts that mouth to good use.”

Emmett helped you sit up, patting your back encouragingly.  “Go ahead, baby, you know what to do…”

As you crawled towards where Joel knelt on the bed, still totally dazed and exhausted, you realized that tonight was far from over— and that tonight may not be all that Emmett had in store for you.

[aerascreamer]

I’ve been seeing a bunch of posts about the Batkids calling Dick out for being a cop and although I find them funny, the actual discussion would be going like this (also pardon me for any inconsistencies):

Jason: no way you actually became a cop Dickward-

Dick: I did. I saw how evil spread so deeply in Blüdhaven. I saw how the police contributed to the darkness of the city and the corruption running rampant. And I believed I could change this. I believed I could fight corruption from the inside and find good cops willing to fight for justice. For the longest time I supported and was supported by Gordon, Montoya and many more dedicated police officers who believed in the same cause as me. But I underestimated the corruption. I underestimated the depth the root of evil has reached. The officers on the top cared only about status and power, they only stick up for each other and if you didn’t comply and give up your morals, you’re harassed, isolated, driven out of the precinct. Fuck did my mental health took a toll. I constantly had to navigate disgust at the other’s behaviour, the stress of trying to fight back, and the hopelessness of the situation. And I had to keep up being Nightwing on top of it. So I needed to leave. I had to give up and lose this battle so I could continue the war. Had I stubborned my way into this wall, I don’t know if I’d still be here today…

Jason:

Jason: … I’m really wondering how Gordon is able to handle that kind of pressure if you couldn’t.

Dick: In my opinion, he cleaned up the GCPD years ago from a ton of bad weeds so its current state is much more manageable than Blud’s police. And he had the help of Batman, me, yours and all the others.

Jason: That make sense… also you need a god damn therapist.

Dick: No.

—

On a more serious note, typing this post made me realised how many other posts made Dick into a goofy character and even a joke.

Although I’m a sucker for fire fighter or gym teacher Dick, I recognise the potential Dick as a police officer has for storytelling, for exploring Dick’s resilience and morality as well as the harmful establishment that is the police system. I have yet to see someone explore this path with Dick either succeeding and becoming a figure similar to Gordon, or failing and having to fall back in vigilantism to make a change. Yet this possibility is rehashed as a joke, much like Dick himself.

In many more lighthearted post, he is treated as this bubbly over the top character who is poked fun at (being a cop, the Discowing, the mullet, obsession with cereal, butt jokes etc.), much like Tim is reduced to sad wet cat coffee addict. To me, Dick is a steady figure careful of each of his moves. He is a man who’s life is dedicated to hope, justice and positive change. He is a competent leader who wears a smile to reassure everyone and give them strength when heading for battle. He is a fierce protector whose anger you don’t want to be on the receiving end.

It’s fine to make him chirpier and more extravagant but to the point of becoming an almost comic relief? The JLA did not choose him and his team to fill in for them for nothing.

[eddieschains]

Fishnets

Eddie Munson X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

TW// 18+, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), choking, daddy kink, creampie

“Ready, rockstar?” You asked Eddie with a smile. Tonight was one of the biggest Corroded Coffin shows he had played yet. It still wasn’t The Garden, but he had finally upgraded from 5 drunks to about 50. You were so proud of him, and you let it show.

“Nervous.” He responded with his head down as he shook his legs and arms in anticipation. “Did you see how many people were out there?” He asked as he finally met his eyes with yours.

“I’d say about 50. Pretty full, baby.” You walked closer to him to rub his shoulders in hopes it would help calm him down a little bit. “You’ve done it before and you rocked, you can do it again.” You smile and give him a soft peck on the cheek.

“That was when the biggest crowd was 15 people… not fucking 50.” He scoffs before Gareth comes in the room and interrupts you.

“Hey, man. We’re on in 5 so… finish up.” He nods his head before walking back out towards the stage.

Eddie takes a deep breath in and turns to you, finally cracking a soft smile. “Can’t turn back now, can I?” You giggle softly and shake your head as you wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips against his. He sucks in a sharp breath before humming into the kiss as he places his hands on the small of your back. “I’ll see you out there.” He winks before walking out.

You grab your beer that you had taken with you to the greenroom and make your way to the stage, off to the side but still front row so Eddie could look at you if he started to feel anxious.

As soon as the guys walk out, you’re screaming at the top of your lungs. You didn’t care if no one else was, but you were there to make sure they all had your full support. You watch in awe as they start playing, always in shock as to how Eddie is able to command a crowd. No matter if it’s 5 people or 50, he always gave it his all. You honestly had never seen a band with such immense stage presence, and for a band whose biggest show was 50 people in a sweaty bar, it was pretty impressive.

You watch intensely as Eddie puts his entire body and soul into the music, especially his body. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t incredibly turned on every time you watched him play. The way he closes his eyes and leans his head back during the guitar solos, the way he rolls his body into the mic stand, the way the sweat drips down his bangs and onto his chest, it was overwhelming for you.

You tried to focus on the music and push your filthy thoughts to the back of your mind, but the ache in between your legs made that harder by the second. You knew the adrenaline that would be pumping through him would play to your benefit, and now it’s all you could think about.

You were so lost in thought, you barely even noticed the show had ended before Eddie was running off the stage and picking you up by your waist and lifting you into the air. You giggle as he spins you around before setting you back down and pressing your chest close to his, keeping his grip tight on your hips.

“Did you have fun?” You wrap your arms around his neck and smile widely.

“God, that was the best fucking show I think i’ve ever played.” He pants, still catching his breath. “How’d you like it?”

“I’d have to agree with it being your best. You did amazing, baby.” You push his sticky bangs out of his eyes as you bring him in for a deep kiss. Heated enough for him to immediately get hard enough for you to feel him through his jeans.

He pulls away once he realizes that you two are in fact in public, with people probably staring already. “Come with me.” He whispers in your ear before taking hold of your wrist and nearly dragging you to the back and into an empty bathroom.

He turns and locks the door before facing you and kissing you again, somehow with even more heat and passion than before. His hands find a place on your ass as he drags his tongue across your bottom lip, asking for access as you open your mouth slightly, just enough for him to push through. You both moan into each other's mouths as your tongues fight for dominance.

His hands come back up to your hips as he walks you backwards towards the sink, lifting you up and placing you on the edge. His mouth doesn’t leave yours as he traces his fingers across the lacey material of your bralette, down your leather skirt before ghosting over the fishnets hugging your thighs.

“There’s always something in the way, isn’t there?” He whispers in your mouth before dragging his lips down your jaw and sucking on your neck. You tilt your head back to give him better access as you run your fingers through his hair and let out a breathy moan.

His hands squeeze around your thighs as one of them pushes your skirt up, revealing your barely there black thong underneath the mesh. He looks down to see your wetness pooling around your thighs and he chokes back a lustful groan.

“Fucking christ, baby. I get you this worked up when I'm on stage, hm?” He smirks up at you, dragging his index finger down your clothed cunt, earning a shudder from you. “So fucking wet… wonder what she tastes like. Guess I need to find out, don’t I?” Your breathing is already becoming ragged as you nod impatiently.

He continues running his finger up and down your heat, applying pressure after every other stroke. He slowly lowers himself on to his knees, pushing your thighs open with his elbow before he unexpectedly rips your tights open, nearly shredding them with the amount of force he uses.

A gasp escapes your throat as you watch him, his mouth agape as he focuses on his finger trailing through your ever growing anticipation. He moves your panties to the side, moaning softly at the sight of your glistening pussy. He runs his finger through your folds again, gathering your juices and watching as you squirm at his touch.

“Eddie… please.” You whine as you buck your hips into his hand. “Don’t tease.”

He chuckles and places a quick peck to each of your thighs before licking a slow stripe up your slit. You suck in a sharp breath at the feeling, and he takes notice. He gives you one more agonizingly slow drag of his tongue before sucking your clit into his mouth. He alternates quickly between flicking his tongue across your bud and sucking with as much fervor as he can muster.

Loud moans escape your mouth with every new movement, too lost in the pleasure to even care if people outside could hear. You reach down to tangle your fingers in his hair, watching the way his mouth moves around you as you grind further into him. He moans around you, sending vibrations through your entire body which only pushes you closer to the edge.

Your legs start shaking slightly, and he takes it as an opportunity to suddenly slip two fingers inside of you. He fucks into you hard and deep, trying to bring you to your orgasm even faster.

“Shit, Eddie… I-I’m close, baby. So fucking close.” You throw your head back as you allow yourself to be taken over by the feeling. He looks up at you, moaning even deeper at your reaction as he sucks even harder and moves his fingers faster. It only takes a few more pumps before you’re screaming his name and squeezing your thighs around his head as he sucks and licks up every last drop of your cum.

He slows down the speed of his fingers, but keeps pushing them inside of you to help you ride out your high as he detaches from your pussy. “Such a good girl for me. Getting my face nice and wet… just the way I like it.” He praises as he stands up from the floor to kiss you, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue while his fingers continue to lazily push in and out of your throbbing cunt. “Ready for my cock, baby?”

You moan in response as you notice he’s already undoing his belt and pushing his pants down just past his thighs. He removes his fingers from your pussy, and uses the wetness around them to slide up and down his hard cock. You watch the way he pumps himself, whimpering as you wait for his next move before he comes closer and drags the tip through your folds.

“Beg for it.” He growls, continuing to tease you with the leaking head of his cock.

You moan at his words as your hips involuntarily buck up to meet more of him. “Want you to fuck me so bad, please. Need you inside of me… need to feel you stretch me out so perfectly- fuck, please, baby.” You ramble, wanting nothing more in this moment than to feel him fill you up.

He groans sharply, wasting no time as he slams his entire length inside of you. “Fuuuuck. You feel so good wrapped around me, baby.” You wince at the sudden feeling before you fall apart around him, squeezing him in and moaning his name into his shoulder.

He pulls out almost all the way, before slamming back inside. He does this a few more times before settling on a steady pace, thrusting almost as fast as his fingers from earlier. “Pussy’s so fucking tight… gonna make me cum already.”

You place your hands on his back, running them underneath his shirt so you can dig your nails into the skin as he fucks into you at a rapid pace. “You fit so perfectly inside of me, baby. Always fuck me so good.” You moan into his ear to egg him on.

One hand grips tightly on your hip as he brings his other to your throat, just resting it there for a moment before applying a slight amount of pressure. The sounds of your heavy breathing and skin slapping against skin is almost enough to send both of you over the edge.

“She’s just so hungry for my cock, isn’t she?” He groans as he looks down to watch the way you suck him in with every thrust. “Just begging to be full of my cum, hm?”

Your walls tighten around him at those words alone, as you feel yourself getting close once again. “Want you to cum for me, wanna feel it. Please, I need it.” You whine, digging your nails into him even deeper as he slams into you harder with every thrust.

“Need you cum one more time for me, okay? Can you do that, baby?” He asks as he looks you in the eyes, the hand that was on your throat now traveling down to your clit to rub hard circles. You whimper and nod as you clench around him, trying to push yourself closer and closer. “Go ahead, baby. Cum for me. Be a good girl and cum for daddy.”

That’s all it takes before you’re shaking underneath him and digging your nails into his shoulders so deep, it was sure to leave a mark. “Thaaat’s it. What a good girl you are.” He breathes out, now thrusting even harder and quicker to reach his own high. “Gonna cum in this perfect little pussy of yours. That what you want, baby? Want me to fill you up with daddy’s cum?”

Your brain is so foggy from your last orgasm you can’t even give him a verbal answer. You just moan in agreement and nod as his thrusts get sloppier with each one. His breathing get shaky as you feel his cock twitching inside of you, a sure sign he was gonna explode any second now. “Oh, shit. Gonna cum, baby. Gonna fill you up- shit shit shit…” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back as he gives you one more particular hard thrust before you can feel him coating your walls with his warm ropes of cum.

He falls into your neck, breathing heavily and still thrusting slightly as he comes down from his high. “Fuck… you’re perfect, you know that?” He pants into the crook of your neck, placing sloppy kisses along your jaw. You run your hands up and down his back to soothe him as you focus on regulating your own breathing.

“I fucking love you, Eddie Munson.” You breathe out, softly kissing down his shoulder.

You both stay still for a few moments, catching your breath and coming back down to earth before Eddie pulls away and looks at you with a grin. “You gonna let me fuck you in the bathroom like this when we sell out The Garden too?”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “With the amount of money you’d be making after selling out The Garden… I’d let you fuck me in the janitors closet for all I care.”

He chuckles and kisses your cheek. “Been there, done that.”

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Oct 25th

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1. Hi. I’m looking for a fic and I don’t have a ton to go on, so here’s hoping someone knows which fic! I’m looking for a canon divergence, possibly a fix it or time travel fix it. It’s NOT the dynasty fic where WWX is WRH nephew and he disappears from the lectures. The specific scene I have in my mind is WWX avoiding the arriving sects at night less city, no one knows he’s been with the dafan wen or I guess where he had been. I know it makes a point to stress he’s dressed with care and in robes that are much nicer than he ever had with the jiang, I know they are using wen yuan to distract him bc he’s nervous about madam yu and the jiang arriving, I know wen Qing gives him an aggressive supportive pep talk in an inner courtyard while he basically is sitting there catastrophising. I can’t remember who is meant to be the wen sect leader, whether it’s wen Qing, wen Ning, or popo or maybe WWX?? I don’t think HE is the sect leader. LWJ might know he’s there and anticipating the sects arriving as well because he’s nervous how people will react seeing him there. I can’t remember if when Qing and wen Ning are time travelers. It’s KILLING MEEEE. I’ve been hunting thru my bookmarks and all the tags I can think of and I’m not finding anything. I know it’s complete and most likely over 20k words. (I’m wondering now if it’s that one he uses a talisman to make a lightning trap to save dafan village from a legendary beast??? And there’s flooding?? And LWJ and JWY happen upon him afterwards Idk I could be wrong) @takemitchyleaps

FOUND? We'll Build A Dynasty (one the heavens can't shake) by One_eyed_God (T, 66k, WangXian, canon typical Jiang family dynamics, BAMF WWX, Canon JC Characteristics, POV Outsider, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, WWX is a Wen, Sect Leader WWX, Genius WWX, The Casual Intimacy of Hand-Holding, Minor XuanLi, Not JC Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It)

FOUND? Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 231k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Mutual Pining, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, unreliable narrator, Found Family, First Time, novel canon relationship dynamics) Is this the one mentioned in #1 parentheses

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2. Hello ! I was searching for a fanfiction where WWX was under Lwj care who spanked him and punished him but also took care of him . It comes in series... Lwj master in CR. In one series LWj beat Wwx so much that he himself got punishment in ancestral hall. I remember reading it a few years back but can't find it now

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3. Hii!!! Can you help me find a fic where wwx dies in guanyin temple and promise lwj that he will return. Then wwx is reborn in the modern world where he is a scientist and a politician son. He sometimes remember lwj through dreams. He also has a girl best friend who helps him. Later he makes a machine to return to lwj in cloud recess and they reunite.

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4. Hello! i'm not entirely sure if i've mashed two together in my head or if it really is just one fic but here it goes: Lan zhan and wei ying are neighbors. a-yuan is wei ying's son, lan zhan works with a class of students on music cultivation. wei ying and a-yuan are actually hiding out from the wen's and the culminating scene has a-yuan possessed and needing to be cleansed and lan zhan and his students helping. I believe it was a multi chapter fic too. thank you so much!!

FOUND? Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy (T, 87k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, Kind of academia AU, Music, Kid Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Action/Adventure, To An Extent, canon-typical JGY behaviour, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, we love us some tragic backstory, Happy Ending, for wangxian at least, [slaps fic] this baby can fit so much plot in it)

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5. Hello, I'm looking for a fic I've read before. Wei ying is at the lectures in CR and sees that Lan Zhan receives presents from people but rejects them. He was befriending him and thinks that lan zhan won't reject his present ..so he gives him a jade pendant. But lan zhan crushes it and WY gets mad about it and starts to avoid lz.

It was completed and I think just one chapter. Thanks in advance @smarti1997

FOUND? For you by 10thNoNamePerson (T, 16k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Canon Divergence, No War AU, Teen Wangxian, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jealous WWX, Soft WangXian, No Sunshot Campaign)

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6. good day! so i was reading this wangxian dimension travel fic and i suddenly remember that one story; a student from modern world lost her way in the forest and kinda met wwx who just became yiling patriarch. i think her name is lily? or something close to that name. i know that i bookmarked it before and i dont know why but i cant find it (not sure if im using the correct tags or what) pls help me find it. thank you for ur help! 💙

additional info:: i think her bag is color yellow? she also went with wy to kill wen chao and thats how jc and lz met her. theres also a scene where she stopped wy during "the soup" encounter with jzx and she got hurt. @httpskaixx

hello! actually, the "i told u when i came i was a stranger" was the story i was reading when i submitted my ask. i followed the note and search it with "isekai" tag and i found it!! the story i was looking for is "wait a minute!" thankyou so much!

NOT FOUND! i told you when i came i was a stranger by Caramelized (M, 50k, OFC/LXC, minor WangXian, Isekai, Transmigration, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Amateur cartography, Butterfly Effect, Sunshot Campaign, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, No Golden Core Transfer, Dimension Travel, Politics, LXC the politician, Self-Insert, Foreknowledge, Angst with a Happy Ending) If not, the requester might want to search "isekai" for The Untamed or Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù on AO3.

FOUND! Wait a minute! by Anonymous (T, 45k, WangXian, World Travel, Dimension Travel, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Angst, Attempt at Humor, I've Been Told That OC has Kagome From Inuyasha Vibes, Isekai)

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7. JGY kills nie huasaing and delivers his saber to NMJ which reveals what actually happened to him so now Wei Ying, with the help of Lan Zhan, must resurrect NHS (at NMJ’s “request”) wen Ning style before NMJ kills like everyone. I’ve been looking on AO3 but the fic might have been on tumblr or cross posted. @i-cant-think-of-one-meh

FOUND? Digging Graves by nirejseki (Not rated, 13k, NHS & NMJ, WWX & XY, wangxian, Revenge, Broken Moral System, Non-Graphic Violence, the masterless sabers)

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8. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where Wei Ying is an ex-model who had an iconic magazine photoshoot (inspired by Burt Reynolds apparently), and a younger Lan Zhan is a big fan of him. Lan Zhan encounters him on a coffee run and they get together. I vaguely remember Wei Ying shouting that he's a cougar. I guess the title is along the lines of "came for the coffee" but I'm not sure anymore since I really can't find it. Thank you so much!

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9. Hi I’m looking for a fic that might have been deleted but I’m really hoping I’m just missing it. It was a one shot on the longer side, ABO dynamics, where LWJ turns WWX into an omega when they end up quarantining together over the pandemic. It used to come up pretty high when I sorted by kudos, so hopefully someone’s heard of it :( thank you so much!

FOUND! the twisting of secondary genders by HeavenlySkyfarer (E, 7k, WangXian, Modern, A/B/O, Non-Consensual Secondary Gender Modification, Extremely Dubious Consent, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Forced Heat, Baby Trapping, Questionable Use of The Quarantine As A Plot-Device For Questionable Porn, Dark LWJ)

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10. hii!! i've been looking for this specific fic thats on ao3 for a while.. the jist is lan zhan and wei ying are living together post-canon as a happy couple until they go night hunting together to figure out this pattern of suicides in a town or something? they don't really find much and head back home but it turns out lan zhan has gotten cursed and is now slowly declining mental health wise-- he pulls away from wei ying (to which wei ying is very sad about) and eventually tries to leave on bichen in the middle of night to go commit suicide, but wei ying catches him, realizes he's cursed, and helps him and then yay happy ending? thank you! @hyperizzation

FOUND! What lies beneath the bones series by seachronicles (E, 104k, WangXian, LSZ & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Trauma Recovery, Rape Recovery, PTSD, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Disordered Eating, Survivor Guilt, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Sex, Hurt LWJ, LWJ Needs a Hug, LWJ Whump, POV LWJ, Character Study, LWJ is Not Okay, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Sad LWJ, Depressed LWJ, Self-Esteem Issues, Canonical Character Death, LWJ-centric, Touch-Starved LWJ, Case Fic, Night Hunt, Ghosts, Curses, Suicide, conversations about suicide, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Child Abuse, only referenced, WWX Takes Care of LWJ, Soft WWX, Hurt WWX, but differently, Guilt, WWX gives him the hug, POV WWX, Self-Harm, nothing too graphic, Established Relationship, Mystery, Hair Washing, Wound Tending, WWX is So Whipped, wangxian literally live their cottagecore dream, WangXian in Love, Secrets, LWJ has a secret, Vulnerability, Drunk LWJ, Protective WWX, Miscommunication, Soft LWJ, Eating Disorders, Suicidal Thoughts, Recovery, LWJ needs therapy, he gets that therapy, LXC Tries, LQR Being an Asshole, Dad LWJ, Chronic Pain, Dissociation, LWJ Has OCD, Sex between Wangxian, Dubious Consent, because they don't know how to communicate, They Learn, Happy consensual sex, Mild Smut, Eventual Smut, Aftercare, Fluff and Smut)

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11. Searching really hard for a fic where wwx adopts a-yuan without telling anyone but lwj thinks a-yuan is wwx's bf, so when wwx finally asks him out and kisses him , lwj refuses and tells he never knew wwx was the kind of guy to cheat. He apologizes to wwx later when a-yuan visits him in university, I think. @maskdmafia

FOUND?🔒 breathe in the air, the last of its kind by wereworm (T, 27k, WangXian, Modern, assumed cheating, Miscommunication, gc transfer modernised as hand-wavey illness (referenced/implied), 5+1 Things)

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12. I read a fanfic awhile back where child Lan Zhan meets child Wei Ying while Wei Ying is still on the streets as an orphan. Lan Zhan gives him something, I can’t remember if it’s a toy or food. Then for the following years Lan Zhan spends time trying to find Wei Ying to check up on him using musical cultivation. There’s a woman who he calls to find him, one day she does find him. I believe it’s around the time Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng arrive at the cloud recesses.

I also think, and I might be combining two different fics here but hopefully I’m not, but the following plot is them falling in love while Wei Ying comes to term with the horrific and graphic abuse that Yu Ziyuan put him and other servants through and they end up investigating, finding proof, and she faces punishment. Pretty sure it’s an A/B/O fanfic where Yu Ziyuan forces Wei Ying to hide he’s an omega(?) for some reason. I think a chastity belt is involved that Yu Ziyuan put Wei Ying in. Jiang Cheng’s father resigns as sect leader when her crimes come to light.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, this has been a thorn in my side for the past few weeks. @staykookedsuga

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13. Hello! I have an ask for the fic-finder 😅

It's been a long time since I read this one, so it's an older fic (at least more than 3-4 years ago). It was centred around MDZS as a story with Jiang Wanyin as the MC and YLZ as the villain. Our main characters had a whole fandom around it, where LWJ is a famous author and WWX a not-very-popular artist who drew fanart of the most hated character in the book "Yiling Laozu" (I think he was an artist, could also be a fellow writer).

I remember there was lot of fandom discourse about WWX and his choice of character to support and how YLZ was always jealous of JWY and did actually maliciously cause everything he was accused of in this alternate MDZS canon. Then, suddenly, LWJ + WWX end up pairing up for a fandom event (a big bang or smth similar), and WWX has the idea of a story where canon divergence occurs and YLZ is a good person instead (like actual canon) and LWJ agrees to write for it.

This was as far as I had read for it. From I remember it was a WIP. Thanks <3 @indelibleme

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14. Hello :) I could use your help to find a fic: Modern AU, LWJ is an epidemiologist, at the start LWJ finds A-Yuan alone at a train station and waits with him until WWX shows up, WWX and A-Yuan move in with LWJ, A-Yuan locks himself in the bathroom and LWJ kicks the door in to get him out, WWX reenters Uni to finish a degree, LWJ sort of punishes him so he concentrates on work?, LWJ starts the process of adopting A-Yuan, WWX and LWJ confess in the bathroom during a family party. Thank you so much! @die-or-worse-be-expelled

FOUND? 🔒 Lost Boys by raitala (E, 115k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, Modern, Kid Fic, Gen or Pre-Slash, hints of wangxian, finding your found family, A-Yuan is a sweetie, Emotional Baggage, LWJ is on the Asexuality Spectrum, Neurodivergent LWJ, Hurt/Comfort, sugar daddy LWJ, LSZ is the bestest boi, LWJ is trying his best, WWX needs a hug, background societal homophobia, Grief/Mourning, Under-negotiated Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Mild Painplay, Sharing a Bed, Family Feels, Nice LQR, Adoption, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Spit Kink, Slow Burn)

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15. Heyy. Just wanna start of by saying your account is an absolute life saver. Thank you so much for the hard work you guys put into getting fanfiction.

I need help finding a fic: Jiang Cheng, blaming Wei WuXian for soemthing he did (can't remember), finds a magical array to erase Wei WuXian from this world. Only to find out they loose the Sunshot Campaign without Wei WuXian and his demonic cultivation so he works together with Lan Wangji to bring him back and save everyone in this universe.

There's alot of angst and family bonding as well as feels. I remember that the heirs of the great sects were taken prisoner in the world Wei WuXian was erased and that's when Jiang Cheng wants to solve his mistake.

FOUND? The Way It Wasn’t by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

FOUND? Not This Time by Marinelifeclub (M, 93k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Angst, Dark LWJ, Protective LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Resentful WWX, Established Relationship, POV Alternating, Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Minor XuanLi, not for jc fans, eventual 3zun, Kid Fic)

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16. Hi! I’d love your help in looking for a fic on AO3. I can’t remember if it was a long one-shot or a series, but here are plot points I do recall:

- Lan Wangji stays behind at Yiling with Wei Wuxian

- the Lans don’t hear from him for a long time, until people report sightings of him in Yiling

- Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren take a few other Lan disciples with them to investigate

- They almost don’t recognize Lan Zhan because he looks different - he is happy. He now wears a painted symbol of a cloud on his forehead, and allows the village children to braid his hair with beads. He is considered pretty, and either a deity/god or just someone special by the villagers.

I hope this rings a bell, I’ve been trying to find it for ages and I’ve had no luck! @ogfangirl93

FOUND!🔒Unpack Your Heart by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 22k, wangxian, Romance, Everybody Lives, Canon Divergence, LWJ Has Feelings, Protective LWJ, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, Wangxian in Love, YLLZ WWX, Lan Clan Elders are Assholes, Minor Transgender Character, Qiongqi Path Divergence, LWJ loves his bunnies)

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17. Hello! I’m looking for a fic, I can’t remember a lot of it and some of the plot points might be off but here’s what I remember; WWX dies but is approached by the previous wielder of the sword that was in the xuanwu of slaughter’s cave and they say smth I forgot and then wwx is back in the past and he can wield said sword and then I can’t remember anything else. Thanks for the help!

FOUND? Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? by 3988Akasha (E, 110k, wangxian, time travel, canon divergence, Canonical Character Death, Soulmates, Demonic Cultivation, Original Female Character(s), Emotional Constipation, Minor Character Death, Hand Jobs, Sexual Content, Bathing/Washing, Idiots in Love, Poetry, Mild Gore, Anal Sex, Angst, Rimming, Blow Jobs)

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18. Hello! For Fic Finder, please! I am looking for a canon au where some people were shapeshifters and during the Sunshot Campaign Wen Ruohan was poisoning the shapeshifters and forcing them under his control. I remember one scene in particular where a Wen dire owl was shot down and it ended up being one of these kidnapped/enslaved shapeshifters. I think the poison was some kind of dust that had to be inhaled? Thank you for your help! @gloriousclotpole

FOUND! 🔒 Unstoppable by Netrixie (T, 150k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, Minor Original Character(s), Cloud Recesses, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Angst, Wolf-shifter WWX, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, Fix-It, Werewolf, Shapeshifters, Sunshot Campaign, Translation Available, Russian, Canonical Lan arm strength)

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19. Hi. I am looking for a fic where Baoshan Sanren knows about Wei Wuxian’s fate. She can’t interfere directly so she trains Mo Xuanyu as a cultivator. Mo Xuanyu joins the jin sect and has a good relationship with Madam Jin helping protect jin Ling. He leaves the sect and the cultivation world to write the ministry exams for the imperial family. But he is assassinated before he can write the exams. Instead, Wei Wuxian, who wakes up in Mo Xuanyu’s body writes the exams and rises high. Soon enough, he catches the eye of the emperor because his genius and tendency to modify talisman. The emperor then finds out what happened in the cultivation world and gives them an eye opener. Mo Xuanyu’s ghost also appears and reveals Baoshan Sanren’s plan and his agreement to go along with it. Lan Zhan, then finds out that Mo Xuanyu is Wei Wuxian, leaves the sect to go live with him on his lands outside the cultivation world. @darkshadowgrief

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20. I'm looking for a fic where Wei Ying babysits A-yuan for Lan Zhan? I think it was Modern AU but that's all i can remember maybe he taught him art?

I'm number 20 in the recent fic finder and I don't think paint smears is the one I'm looking for, not sure about the other since it's been deleted but I remember Wei Ying actually babysits A-yuan in his house or at least teaches him art at his house in his play room? And lan zhan is still at the house he just lets them be I think. I remember them learning about colors or painting something and also that lan zhan wanted to offer Wei Ying a permanent job as A-yuan's private art teacher and offered more than his regular job.

FOUND? Light travels faster than sound by Anonymous (E, 25k, wangxian) wwx is an artist commissioned to make musician!lwj's album cover, than to give a-yuan art lessons), but I think the author deleted their works?

NOT FOUND! 🧡 paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 53k, WangXian, Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Everyone Is Alive, Modern AU, Dadji, Mutual Pining, Happy Ending, Brief Alcohol Mention, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Accidentally co-parenting with your son's art teacher, Fatherhood)

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[dinarosie]

Snape Artists Deserve Better

Since joining the Snape fandom, I’ve noticed something that really stands out. Compared to other character-based fan communities, the Snape fandom feels overlooked. There’s also a lot of negativity aimed at him, mostly stirred up by Marauders fans and "Snaters." This creates a tough environment, especially for artists and creators who focus on Snape. Unfortunately, their work doesn’t receive the recognition or support it deserves, which can be really discouraging.

I’ve seen so many amazing Snape artworks—pieces that have clearly taken tons of effort and time—get completely ignored. Meanwhile, similar artwork of the Marauders (including characters we barely know anything about like Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas… ) gets thousands of likes and shares in just a few days, quickly spreading across social media platforms. This isn’t just about Tumblr Art, either. The same thing happens with Snape videos on TikTok. They often don’t get the attention they deserve, no matter how well-made.

What’s worse is that even casual Harry Potter fans—those who aren’t part of the Snape or Marauders fandoms—are afraid to post anything about Severus Snape. They worry about the backlash they might face. If they decide to write about him, draw him, or make a video, they often feel like they need to constantly explain that they’re not "Snap supporter" or "Snape fan" and that they’re just creating art. Otherwise, they’ll get bombarded with nasty comments.

This whole situation has made artists hesitant to spend time on Snape-related content. They know it either won’t get the attention it deserves or they’ll face a wave of negativity that makes them regret ever posting it. It’s really sad to see so many talented artists being pushed away because of this toxic environment.

I totally feel for these artists, writers, and overall Snape content creators. Sharing your work takes a lot of courage, especially when you know it might be met with negativity. Art is meant for expression and creativity, so it's tough when those who put their heart into it feel like their work isn’t appreciated.

I don’t know how much longer this toxic atmosphere toward Snape, his fans, and the artists who create content about him will last, but it’s just not fair. Every artist deserves to share their work without fear and get the recognition and support they’ve earned.

[ryuichirou]

I apologize if it is too personal but how do you deal with "antishipper" and the way they make callout posts and harassment campaigns against you ? It’s legitimately so scary and it makes me hesitant of posting my own art

Anon! I am very sorry you are going through this horrible feeling of hesitation and anxiety; knowing that people get targeted like that could not only stop you from posting, but stop you from creating altogether, and this is the worst part about this whole thing.

It’s not too personal, and I don’t mind talking about it at all. I’ve talked about our position and our relationship with fandom policing a bunch of times already, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.

I used to be worried about posting certain stuff too. Well, when I was a teen/in my early 20s I wasn’t worried about anything: we had so much juicy stuff posted here lol But then the nsfw ban happened, and the social climate of this app and internet in general started shifting, the first stories about people driven to end their lives because of the hate they received started to come out, and we stopped posting completely. It wasn’t a huge loss to us back then, and this situation wasn’t the only reason why we stopped, but still, it clearly became much more difficult to just appear out of nowhere, throw problematic stuff in your blog and run away again.

I vividly remember us wanting to post my Shingeki no Kyojin drawings and comics based on our AUs and stuff, but not knowing what to do with Ereri – there was no way for us to be “unproblematic” (which was never a concern to us, we just didn’t want to get tons of hate lol) and still post Eren with a man twice his age. So we started posting them without a tag, starting with a drawing that wasn’t too shippy, and then miraculously the world didn’t end. That made us bolder, and we started to post them openly, and posted them for almost two years pretty regularly, alongside some of our other problematic ships + problematic themes. Of course we did get hate, we got a lot of hate while we were posting SnK stuff from all kinds of people, but what we also got a lot of people who found our content refreshing and interesting, even if it was weird and uncomfortable at times.

We weren’t the only people who shipped Ereri (let’s ignore my petty thoughts about the difference between Ereri and Rivaere for now), and we weren’t the only people in Twst fandom who liked Shroudcest, which is another ship that we were super hesitant about posting or even mentioning at first. But with all the hate around I was so certain the world was going to end the moment we post them, and that didn’t happen. The end of the world never happens, but what does happen is that people either get introduced to a fun new dynamic and get invested, or get happy that someone finally posts for the ship they were too afraid to post for. Somehow, when you see some other person being ballsy, you don’t feel as scared anymore – it happened to us with other people’s posts too. Yes, I still say this even though it spawns a bunch of callout posts and harassment, as it did with us. Were we cancelled? Yeah, somewhat. There’s so much you can say about an acc that states “problematic stuff, 18+”, right? I was super relieved and happy, actually, that a lot of people left/blocked us just because they’re the people I’d never want to interact with my art.

I’ve been yapping for a long time already lol so I’ll give you some pieces of advice instead… These are things that legitimately help us.

Surround yourself with people who support you – if not you personally, then at least your ideas (i.e. other proshippers). Luckily, nowadays it’s easier to find them… But also, having a friend who you can vent about these things to helps a lot! It’s cheesy but it’s a fact: when you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.

Always ignore comments/asks from antis and block them on sight, block anonymous asks too. Even if you really want to sass them, it’s much more effective to ignore them: when you give them attention, it invites more engagement from them.

Block people you get bad vibes from. Block those who like or comment bad takes or support harassment of others, block all of their alt accounts. It’s tedious and takes time, but it really helps to keep you hidden from them, at least to some degree. I look up Shroudcest sometimes just to block new people. They try to make fun of me for that, but who cares if it works? You can’t block everyone, but these people usually flock together and it’s usually just a bunch of friends, so taking several posts on these topics from people from the fandom and blocking everyone involved will obliterate the majority of harassers.

In terms of your safety, having multiple accounts in case you main one gets mass-reported helps + I would advice to keep irl stuff away from your fandom stuff just in case.

This is going to sound stupid, but please keep in mind that this isn’t about you. These people are very miserable and not very smart. Even if they try to paint you like a bad person, they don’t know anything about you, so don’t let their judgment affect how you feel about yourself. This is exactly what they want – to have power over you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, i.e. lock your acc and/or take a break if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, it will pass: it’s very rare for these clowns to keep focus on one person for a long period of time; they have like 5 different dramas per day. There are some absolutely batshit crazy rapid assholes who won’t leave an artist alone for years, but those are super rare and special cases altogether, I don’t think you need to be worried about those.

Keep in mind which fandom you want to do this with, btw. It’s usually okay for the most part, but if the fandom is just a bunch of kids, it’s more likely not worth it or deserves an empty account, at least. Twst is surprisingly good despite anything it might look like! Thanks to Yana being a shotacon and a creator of Kuroshitsuji, I guess. There are many great and supportive people in the twst fandom, it’s been a pleasure to be here, even though, once again, it’s the first fandom where I got a bunch of callout posts and nasty stuff in my ask (SnK fandom usually harassed me for other things).

TL;DR: it is scary, and you could easily get callout posts about yourself, but guess what, you also get to be yourself. Because realistically, callout posts can’t stop you from creating art. They want you to believe that they have power over you, but this isn’t true. Your life online won’t end after some random callout post – mine didn’t. They also don’t understand that each consequent callout post affects the person being called out even less. We do have a minor panic attack for the first hour or so, and it does involve more extra blocking, but mostly it just sours our mood for the day and drops our morale. I still draw, though, out of spite a little lol Oh, and do try to report these types of posts if you get them, there’s nothing wrong with that.

People had been persecuted for their art and ideas for centuries, so what happens now is really nothing new. Without diving into specifics, there are way worse things they could do than writing callouts, but they aren’t super likely to do those. Luckily.

Take care of yourself, but also please don’t doubt yourself; when it comes to your art being way too fun for lovers of censorship to handle, you’re in a very good company. I’m referring to all the artist and writers of this world btw and not just me and Katsu lol but us as well!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Oh? Crewel-sensei! Are you actually joining us in class today? - Kalim, beaming

Zzzzz- h-huh? Did I miss... Trein-sensei's class...? - Silver, sleepy

If he doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

Crewel warily surveyed the classroom. Each group of students had been presented with a cage full of mice. The assignment for the day: to command the mice to execute a trick of one's choosing. They scampered around on their tiny feet, clawing at their confinement and chorusing in soft squeaks.

A few brave students had already taken to freeing the mice, to varying degrees of success. Some rodents had escaped and now skittered across the floors while being chased down. Others, aggravated, had clawed or bitten their students, sending them to the nurse’s office.

Class 2-A may as well be an unkept dog kennel, Crewel grumbled to himself.

“I’m participating today to brush up on Animal Languages,” he explained bluntly. “Pardon the intrusion. Please do not let my presence distract you from your learning.”

“Hahah, of course not! Make yourself home, cuz my classroom is your classroom!” Kalim chirped. “Since we’re in the same group, let’s do our best to help each other out.”

“Agreed.” Silver nodded. “We’re honored to be working with you, Crewel-sensei.”

They’re good boys—but let’s see whether their technical abilities are on par with their kind-heartedness.

"Lead the charge. I will stand by and support your vision.”

“Let’s have the mice dress up and have a parade!” Kalim immediately suggested. His entire face lit up with determination. “Maybe some of them could be horses pulling a little toy carriage, and other mice could ride the carriage.”

“That’s far too complex for your level of skill!” Crewel pointed out. “Start simpler. Instructing them to do a single thing is enough to fulfill the requirements. For dogs… ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ are common first commands. Extrapolate that thinking to mice. The vocabulary should also be within your reach.”

There was a long pause. Then Silver spoke up.

“So… we could ask them to sit or to stay?”

“Do not so blatantly superimpose the orders for dogs onto a different animal!” Crewel snapped. “Are you still half asleep?!”

“He might be! Hey, Silver.” Kalim nudged his classmate (whose head was beginning to loll) on the arm. The knight startled—but his eyelids still fluttered, threatening to shut. “Stick with us! We need you awake for this, buddy.”

“Ngh… I’m sorry, I’m trying… I’m trying so hard, but… I don’t think I can… hold… it off…………….. Zzzzz…”

Silver drifted off, slouching forward in his seat. Kalim grasped onto his shoulders, keeping him upright.

“Wh-Whoa…! Don’t worry, Silver! I’ve gotcha!!”

Crewel facepalmed. “… This is quickly devolving into a disaster.”

"I'll say!" Kalim agreed. "How's Silver going to nap well without a pillow and a blanket? A desk and chair are really uncomfortable to sleep on."

"That's what you're concerned about?"

"Hmm? Yeah. Did you mean something else, sensei?"

"You'll be receiving a zero on this assignment from old Trein if you don't come up with something," Crewel lectured him as he removed the lid from their box of mice. "Find a way to wake Silver up this instant!"

"Aaah, what should I do...? I feel bad waking him up when he's having a good dream... Are you sure we can't just make Silver as comfortable as we can?"

"YES, I AM SURE."

As Crewel and Kalim clashed, the mice were frenzied. They had collected in one corner of the box in one massive wriggling heap, spilling out onto the counter like liquid when Crewel tipped the container over. They darted in front of Silver in frantic rows, then compressed their small, furry bodies together, forming something resembling a pillow.

"What the..."

"Oh!" Kalim brightened with realization. "Did you guys want to help out? That's so nice of you!"

He was met with a sea of excitable squeaking.

"Gahahah! I don't get it, but thanks a ton! Silver appreciates it too. I'll lay him down now, okay?"

Crewel watched, jaw hanging open, as Kalim gently placed Silver upon the bed of lab rodents. It was like a scene right out of a fairy tale. Kalim, the prince. Silver, the princess. And the mice? Their animal companions that saved the day.

Footsteps approached from behind.

"Asim, how does your group fare?" Trein inquired. "I hope you were not too heavily relying on Crewel-sensei's expertise to get by."

"No, sir! We're just making sure Silver gets proper rest in." Kalim gestured to his snoozing peer. "See?"

Trein took note of the pillow of mice, his brows creasing in confusion. "... Well, it's certainly an unconventional 'trick' you've shown me, but I suppose I will allow it. It's a creative solution for the task."

"Wait, really? Cool, thanks!!'

Crewel blinked.

Just what am I looking at here? Did these two just pass by failing to use any of the course's teachings in the assignment?!

"... Unbelievable." He shook his head in disbelief.

These pups are truly something else.

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love : Chapter 2

Chapter Two: A Dramamine Would Be Nice

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader, no outbreak

Word count: 10.2k

Chapter Summary: You get notice of your deployment which creates some anxieties, but allows you to reach out to Joel about it. You and Joel continue to write back and forth, surprising each other with little details, each opening up to another more and more. With each letter you both write to each other, the more the both of you start to realize how much you both mean to each other, as well as how much happier now that you are in each other's lives. 

Chapter warnings: switched POV, mentions of death, mentions of vomiting, flying in a military aircraft, mentions of blood and combat injuries, mutual pining, slight flirting? (our babies are a little out of practice), anxiety, feelings of being alone/isolated, panic attack(s), fluff, if I missed anything I apologize but those are the major ones. 

A/N: oh my gosh thank you for all the love and support you've shown me with chapter one. i did not expect so much response back and it's given me such motivation to keep writing and also blossomed so many ideas for chapters to come. i am super excited for ya'll to read the rest of this series, it's something that i am enjoying so much writing and sharing with you all <3

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Main Masterlist  

Reader’s POV

Two days later

You were right, no more than 48 hours after you graduated you and Maria received your deployment assignments. You would fly out to Afghanistan the following morning at 0300 hours. 

It all started to set in, the potential of you not coming back. You knew what you were getting into before enlisting, and you knew how grueling the war was, but it didn’t seep into your brain until now. You knew that being a medic would put you right in the line of fire as that is what you were trained to do, get those wounded out of the area, and treated with as much speed and safety as you could guarantee. What you didn’t think about was if you were to die, who would they alert? No one, right? 

You were packing up your duffle with what you needed when you felt the weight of that question drop down on you like a ton of bricks. Your heart rate sped up, the color seemed to disappear from your face and as you were packing a pair of socks, you realized your hand starting to shake. You then got a wave of nausea, and before you knew it, felt your dinner coming up. You ran to the toilet, throwing up what little dinner you had this evening. 

“Whoa, you good?” Maria followed behind and knelt behind you, laying a hand on your back. 

You coughed and then threw up once more, this time more violently, back arching, knuckles white from your grasp on the toilet, back and neck drenched with sweat. 

“There ya go, get it out.” Maria stood and grabbed your water bottle from your nightstand before returning again behind you. “Here, take a sip…” she handed you the bottle. 

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and then took the bottle and took a small sip. You sat back, falling with your back against the wall, head arched upwards, eyes shut tightly, your breathing unsteady and fast. You put your hand over your heart and gripped your shirt, trying to ground yourself. “Fuck…”

Maria spoke softly, “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth…” and placed a hand on your knee to comfort you. 

You opened your eyes and looked at her, she nodded and kept eye contact, then proceeded to breathe in through her nose slowly, which you mimicked. She counted to 3 with her fingers and then slowly exhaled through her mouth, which you of course followed suit. 

“Again…” you both did it again and then she lightly squeezed your leg, “You aren’t alone. I know what’s going through your head and you aren’t alone. Anything happens, I’ve got you and you got me, right?” she moved her head closer as you dropped your head to catch your gaze again.

You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat, “Right. We got each other.” you said letting out a slow exhale once more.

She nodded and then lightly squeezed your knee, “Come on, we gotta finish packing, we have an early morning.” she stood and offered her hand to help you to your feet. 

You grabbed her hand and stood, taking a second and then tilting your neck upwards and rolling it side to side, shaking your hands out to do what you could to get out which you could only assume was a lot of anxiety while she walked away. 

Maria went back to her duffle to finish what she had left to pack. You took another sip of your water and then flushed the toilet and walked back to your duffle bag. 

You looked at the clock, ‘18:37’. 

You looked over at Maria and she had already packed all her things and got into bed. She was someone that needed a full 8 hours of sleep if she could help it.

“Mind if I keep the desk lamp on while I wrap up a few things?” you asked as you folded up the rest of your socks, stuffing them deep in the bag. 

“No, you’re good, thanks for asking.” She tucked her head under the sheets and turned away from the light. 

You moved your pillow to untuck your sheets when you saw Joel’s letter and pictures neatly tucked under it. You smiled softly and let out a breath, his smile was something that brought you comfort lately. You sat on the edge of the bed and studied the photo for a moment then looked at the clock again before getting up and sitting down at your desk and pulling out your notebook and pen. Mail day was coincidentally tomorrow and you felt it was something short of fate as you hadn’t yet sent your other letter, but also, you didn’t know when the next time you’d be able to send him another letter. With that thought gnawing at you, you just started writing:

‘Joel, June 4, 2014

Call yourself lucky, you’re getting two letters this round. The first was a reply back to your letter, this one well, it's just going to be a bit of a ramble or dump of information to what I hope we can call each other a confidant. 

To cut to the chase, we got our deployment assignment. 

It’s setting in that it’s all happening. I’ve already I think had my first panic attack in weeks realizing the gravity of the situation. Pathetic right? I’m panicking about something I signed up for, willingly.. 

I just, I think I’m feeling the weight of my reality of ‘if I was to die’, they made us fill out some paperwork earlier today and one of the questions was who to alert in the case of injury or death. I left it blank.

If I’m being honest, I don’t have anyone besides Maria, and well now, you, that would even know where I was.  

My parents have been dead for years, but even if they were alive, they weren’t the type of parents that would be concerned with my well being. All they cared about when they were alive was what they could get out of me. Hell, they’d probably try to seek out some pension or compensation out of the military for my death.  

Sorry. That was a lot. I don’t really know what I’m doing here.

You put your pen down and sighed, ‘What am I doing? Trauma dumping on this poor guy? Jesus…’ you thought. You looked at the Polaroid photo of him and something urged you to keep writing, something told you that he’d want to listen and help. 

'I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am just feeling alone. Yeah, I’ve got Maria here and she’ll be with me through this deployment, but it's a different type of alone. One deep down, feels like a burning brand, scorched into my being. 

I’ve always been alone, but never felt it the way I am right now. I mean, like I said above, my parents didn’t really care about me, I mean not like I’m sure you do with your daughter. You’d move heaven and earth for her, put your life on the line for hers. You can tell that just by the way you smile at her. I have rarely known that to last, to have known clear and utter devotion and love, by a parent or hell, by a partner. The last.. monster I was with.. He was the opposite of devotion and love. Hell, he’s the reason I joined, joined to get away from him, to be safe. But that’s another story for a longer letter, plus I don’t think you want to know about all that shit this early into our relationship, that's a 3rd date topic of conversation. 

Sorry, that was forward of me to say, I just mean, it's heavy and a lot. 

Do you ever feel alone? I mean being a single dad, I would assume you do at times. What do you do? I tend to shove it down and ignore it (not healthy, I know) - but it’s just easier, you know?

It’s been years since I haven’t felt this so loudly.. 

When I was a young teen, I would visit this little old man down the street. His name was Levi. He was the closest thing I had to what a grand dad might be. When my parents would fight, or they’d leave me for days on end to gamble or do hell knows what.. I’d go to Levi’s. He’d feed me, make sure I had somewhere to sleep on his couch, and even make me lunch for school. He used to pack me homemade ‘treasure cookies’ he called them, in my lunch, write me little jokes in my lunch bag… he used to write ‘Cricket’, his nickname he had for me on those lunch bags. He was everything to me for those 5 years I knew him. Taught me how to drive (illegally, must’ve been 13 when he taught me), how to change tires, cook for myself, taught me how to fight, how to take care of myself.'

You teared up as you wrote, a tear landing on the paper. 

'Something tells me he knew his time was limited, because looking back, he shoved as much love and care he could on me before he died of a stroke…

I came home from school.. found an ambulance taking him out of his place. After that, I was truly on my own and when that feeling came back again.  

I miss him, I know he’d be mad at me for joining tho… he would say there were other ways, that he’d make sure I was safe. And he would, he’d keep me safe. 

Jesus, that old man was terrifying when he needed to be. I remember.. a boy from school put hands on me. He came to my school after the principal called him because I socked the kid in the nose, and was getting suspended for it (bullshit, I know), but he told the kid while he was waiting in the hall for his parents to come, if he ever looked my way again, he knew where he lived, and it wouldn’t be just a broken nose next time. The kid never came near me again, in fact now that I think about it, not a lot of boys came around while he was alive… jeez, thanks Levi for being the ultimate chastity belt.'

You laughed to yourself thinking about that. 

'Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble. It’s actually helped getting all this out. Don’t feel obligated to write back concerning this letter, consider it like a… what do the Catholics call it? Oh, like a confessional! Well, not really, but you get it, right? 

I’ll write back when I can. I’m going to Afghanistan, we haven't received where we will be stationed, but I'll be sure to write as soon as I'm able.

Also, if you send your replies before I am able to write you, I've been told mail will automatically forward to our new location, from Fort Jackson.

Thanks again Joel. 

Talk soon. 

Warm regards, 

Y/N’

You folded it into thirds, and put it into a new envelope, sealed it, and then looked back at your room, taking it in. 

‘I’ve got this.’ you thought. 

You stood up, turned off the lamp and then laid on your bed, slowly drifting to sleep. 

— 

You awoke to your alarm blaring at 0230, Maria already up and getting ready. You rolled over and put your pillow over your head, groaning. You were never a morning person, this morning was a testament to that. 

“Whoever decided for us to fly out at 3am in the damn morning… I hope their pillow is always hot, and they have a pebble in their shoe!” you groaned again, but sat up, stretching your arms above your head.  

Maria chuckled at your reaction. She was a morning person. She loved the early start to the day and sunrise and blah blah blah. “You are NOT a morning person.” she turned to look at you, tying up her hair.

You shot her a glare, “You don’t say, Ms. Ray of frickin’ Sunshine…” 

She chuckled and pointed to your desk, “I got you a cup of coffee from the cafe, and took your letters to Joel already to the mail drop...” She turned to look at you and smirked, “Two letters in two days? Lucky man…” 

You rolled your eyes, “Ha ha, nice insinuation… you’re so funny.” you stood up and walked over to grab the coffee, taking a sip. “For your information… I was just letting him know we got deployed.” you shrugged. “Did you let.. what was his name again… Reginald, know?” you said smirking into your cup, taking another sip, knowing it would get a rise out of her. 

“Oh stop it, ok? You know his name is Tommy!” she threw her hair brush at you softly, you caught it and chuckled. 

“Speaking of Tommy, I saw Joel’s last name was Miller on your letter, and he’s from Texas, right? Curious if he’s related to my pen pal, they both have the last name of Miller and both live in Texas..” she questioned as she looked back in the mirror to make sure her hair looked acceptable. 

You shrugged your shoulders and started to clean yourself up as you needed to leave for the bus soon. “I don’t know. The odds of that would be like what, 1 in a million?” you said as you straightened up your hair bun and grabbed your toothbrush, starting to put toothpaste on it, “Joel mentioned owning a construction business with his brother, but never mentioned a name. I can ask if you want?” you looked back at Maria before shoving your toothbrush in your mouth, brushing softly.

She shook her head, “No, it's ok. I’ll mention it to Tommy next time I write.” she packed up the last of her things as you spit your toothpaste down the sink. “Got everything?” she asked, starting to grab her things.

You wiped your mouth and nodded “Yeah, I’m ready.” you grabbed your cap, slid on your boots, grabbed your duffle and cup of coffee, and both of you walked to the bus stop.

—

The bus ride to the airport was about a 30 minute drive. You could tell that everyone’s nerves were a bit heightened. A guy's leg behind you kept bouncing the whole way there against the back of your seat which drove you mad- but deep down you also knew it wasn’t him trying to be annoying, it was probably a coping mechanism; as you were currently tapping your fingers anxiously against your knee. 

When you arrived at the airport, you were all instructed to tag your bags and then load up into the hangar of this huge military plane. 

“Eyes up!" you all stood to attention as soon as you heard the command. "You aren’t flying commercial or first class today, so I suggest you all suck it up - get all your bitching and moaning out now because if I hear one complaint when this aircraft is in the air, so help me I’ll toss you out! Understood!?” the commanding officer yelled loudly amongst the crowd.

Everyone in unison shouted “Yes sir!”

"Buckle up." he turned around to release you all. You all started to sit down, start to buckle. 

Within seconds, another man came into the plane, marked higher than the other. "Attention!" someone called loudly. You all stood to attention, facing forward, hands to your side, uniform formation.

“My name is Sgt. Anders, this will be a 35 hour trip. So strap in, and get comfortable. We will be making multiple fuel stops. When that happens, you can get up, stretch and use the restroom, but you will not be leaving the aircraft. We are on a tight schedule and can’t afford delays. We will be flying in and landing at Bagram Air Base. If anything is to go south, as we will be flying into an active war zone at one point.. there are parachute backpacks above you. You should all know how to equip one, if not, you better hope the person next to you helps your helpless ass- put one on!” he continued to yell as he paced up and down the plane. 

“When you arrive, you will be assigned to a portable, you will have your assignment, departure time, commanding officer, and any other necessary information in an envelope on your beds!” He looked at you and Maria, “Medics! You will be assigned in teams of two!” He looked at two other guys down the line that were also medics, “You will be paired by gender, so women with women, men with men.” He looked back at you and Maria, “Your assignments will be immediate, as soon as you touch down. You will be loaded into a Humvee and taken to location, is that understood?”

“Sir, yes sir.” you all four said in unison. 

As he continued to further instruct the rest of the group, you leaned slightly towards Maria, careful to not break formation and softly said, “Didn’t know our assignment would be so immediate, did you?” she shook her head very slightly and exhaled a breath. You could tell she was nervous. You grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “We got this.” you said facing forward, leaning back straight. 

She nodded slightly and squeezed your hand back in agreement. 

After about 5 more minutes of instructions, you were put at ease, told to buckle in, and the aircraft took off. 

—

You were not the biggest fan of flying to begin with, but this experience and this damn aircraft made you feel a lot more vulnerable and nervous than flying commercial. You kept thinking ‘If I would have known I was flying 35 damn hours without a flight attendant and knowing there is a parachute back above my head, I would have never signed on the dotted line. Fuck this shit…’ 

Around hour 3 there was major turbulence, you tucked your head down and shut your eyes trying to calm down your growing anxiety, legs bouncing up and down together, hands gripping your seat belt over your chest so damn tight your knuckles were turning white. 

Maria noticed and leaned over, “I heard there’s going to be a fuel stop in 30 minutes, we just gotta hold on ‘til then.” 

The fuel stop was more like 45 minutes later with the turbulence. 

As soon as the plane landed and you were given the ok to unbuckle, you bolted to the toilets. Maria followed closely behind, also sick from the nerves. 

You chuckled at the sink after you both were done being sick, “Some Dramamine would be nice right about now, am I right?” you gently knocked your elbow against hers, drying your hands with a paper towel. 

She smiled and splashed her face with some water, “That or a fuckin’ Xanax. We all need to take a chill pill...” 

You both chuckled softly and then walked back to your seats together, starting to sit back down when the other two medics came over from their seats, “Sounds like we’ll be working together…” one of them said, looking down at you both. 

You stood up and held out your hand, “Yeah, sounds like it. I’m ___ and this is Maria. Nice to meet you…?” Maria stood and held her hand out as well. 

“Oh um, Terrance, and this is Reginald, but we call him Reggie.” he looked towards the baby face standing next to him, who tried to size you both up by puffing up his chest and trying to appear taller than he actually was. 

You and Maria both let out a snicker at the name Reginald. 

“Somethin’ funny?” Reggie asked, clearly offended. 

You shook your head and smiled, “No, no I’m sorry. We just have-” you shook your head, not caring to explain, seeing he was trying to possibly start an argument, “No, nothing’s funny, sorry.” you shook his hand, gripping it tighter than usual, trying to assert you weren’t going to be sized up by him “Nice to meet you Reggie.” you gave him a half smile, clenching your jaw down a bit. You knew that being dainty and feminine wasn’t the route to go with him, if you didn’t shut him down now, you could see him possibly being an issue.

You looked at Terrance and shook his hand more gently, giving him a more genuine smile, “Nice to meet you both.”

Both nodded, agreeing, then turned to go back to their seats. Reggie was still somewhat bothered by your humor that you didn’t care to explain to him. 

Maria and you sat down again and then turned to each other and chuckled when you said “Shucks, I think we hurt his feelings..” 

Maria sat back in her seat, unbothered, “Oh boo, he’ll get over it.”

You chuckled and sat back as well, thinking out loud. “Reginald… who names their kid Reginald?” 

Maria chuckled to herself and shrugged her shoulders. 

Before you knew it the plane took off again. 

Joel’s POV

Your letters came to Joel about a week after you left for Afghanistan. Sarah came in from grabbing the mail after school one day and was shocked to see two envelopes in mail. Joel hadn’t gotten home yet. He was still at work but Sarah smiled knowing her dad got two letters, she hoped that meant things were going well between the two of you. Her dad seemed a bit different since the first letter came around. Joel also would never admit this, but Sarah caught him a few times checking the mail more times than once during the days he had off, from what she could guess was him hoping to hear from you. 

She went upstairs and laid them out on his pillow and then started on her homework in her own room turning on some music. 

Joel got home around 7pm, dead tired and sore as hell. He was covered in saw dust and reeked of sweat. He needed a shower, and needed it now. 

He heard the music in Sarah’s room and lightly knocked on her door, “M’ gonna to take a quick shower baby girl, why don’t you order us some pizza? My wallet is down on the counter..” 

Sarah turned her music down slightly “Pepperoni and Three Meat sound good?” 

Joel started walking down the hall to his room, taking his shirt off in the process, “Anythin’ you want sweetheart.” 

He closed the door behind him and went to sit on the edge of the bed to take his work boots off when he stopped to look back at his pillow, seeing the two envelopes. He took off one boot and then scooted over and grabbed the envelopes. He immediately smiled seeing your name and then looked slightly confused when he saw two envelopes. “Wonder why I got two..” he opened the first, which was the one you wrote right after your graduation. 

He smiled at your sincere remarks about Sarah. It warmed his heart when you asked about her, and it felt genuine, not just conversation filler.

He chuckled when you mentioned the spiders in the jungle and then frowned when you mentioned your baseball team being the Cubs, “Oh we’re gonna have to fix that…” he said lowly. He continued to read and then a smile came back to his lips when you mentioned the Cowboys and couldn’t help but agree with your comment about their defense needing some work. 

He smiled at your suggestion for him to heat his back and knees, it was something not a lot of people outside of Sarah and Tommy did for him, care for his well being. 

He pulled out the post card you sent as well and chuckled about your remark about southern food. You weren’t wrong, food in the south is very good, and he thought when you were back, maybe he could barbecue for you. He was known for making some mighty tasty ribs.

He then pulled out the two pictures you sent. He saw the one of you alone first. He smiled warmly and traced his thumb gently over the photograph. ‘She’s gorgeous..’ he thought to himself. You had a beautiful smile, and a very warm energy he could sense. He felt something tug in his chest when he continued to look at the photo. He flipped to the other photo and smiled wider seeing you smile bigger with Maria. 

You were contagious. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at how bright you were. He looked back at the other photo for a moment longer, and then set them both aside and picked up the second envelope. 

This letter felt thicker right off the bat, and for some reason that made his heart drop. He wondered what that could mean. He unfolded the pages and began to read. He immediately could tell that you reached out when you were struggling. 

He hated thinking about that smile of yours being dimmed. He read every word like his breath depended on it. Soaking in every syllable so he could give you what you might need in his response. 

He came across the part where you talked about Levi and smiled softly, having comfort that someone took care of you like that. You deserved that at the bare minimum, and he hated to learn that you had been so alone and neglected for so long. He chuckled at the chastity belt part, thinking if it were him, he would have still made a move on you, Levi wouldn't have kept him away from a beautiful girl like you.

He noticed the tear stain on the letter when you mentioned his passing. He rubbed his thumb over it gently, as if trying to comfort you somehow, telepathically. 

He finished reading and looked up at the wall across from him, letting out a soft sigh, racking his brain for what to do next. 

—

The next day 

Joel was a man of very few words, but what he lacked in speaking, he made up for in actions. One could say one of his love languages was acts of service. 

He made a commitment to get work off a little earlier than usual so he could make it to the store before they closed, as he wanted to send something to you today, sooner than later. 

He grabbed three things, a disposable camera and a package envelope large enough to fit the camera in, and a new post card design. 

As he was walking down the street to his truck, he walked past a small jewelry shop, something in the display window caught his eye. They had a trinity knot pendant. It was perfect. He knew that was a symbol of protection, and it felt only right to send it to you with where you were going. 

He purchased it and then went and sat in his truck. He addressed the envelope to you, put the pendant in, which was in a little velvet bag, and then a disposable camera inside. He then wrote on the postcard he grabbed from the market:

'Y/N, June 11, 2014

Do you think you out-letter me by sending two at once? It’s on. ;)

Consider this my first letter. 

The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those. For now, I’ll be sending you a disposable camera - one for every month that you're deployed. I expect once you’ve filled it up, you’ll mail it back to me, I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took - we’ll call it a meet and greet, it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up. 

The pendant is to keep you and your group safe, but mostly you. ;)

My mom always taught us about how certain symbols and things carry certain powers of protection, and right now, you need protection where you are. 

Be safe, stay healthy, and just for the record, I prayed there wouldn’t be any big bugs, I hope it worked. ;)

-Joel’ 

He then stopped by the post office and mailed that off first. 

He would worry about the letter he wanted to write back to you when Sarah was in bed later, but he wanted to get those small pieces of what he hoped would be motivation and support to you as soon as he could. 

Joel got home right after Sarah got home from soccer practice. Sarah was getting a glass of water from the sink when he walked in, she set her glass down, shock and slight worry coursing through her. 

Seeing him home so early was rare, but it was a Thursday, Thursday’s meant heating chicken nuggets in the oven and her dad not being home until after she was in bed. 

“You’re home early… are you ok? Do you feel sick?” she rushed over and put her hand to his forehead, attempting to feel his temperature. When he felt normal, she looked at him a bit more worried. 

“Dad, did you hit your head at work? Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?” she held up 4 fingers, making eye contact with him, as if she was trying to look for a concussion or head injury. 

Joel chuckled and gently pushed her fingers away, “I’m fine sweetheart.” 

She scoffed, offended he didn’t answer her question, “Dad! This is serious, how many fingers?” She put the same 4 fingers up with wide eyes and a jutted out jaw, something she did when she meant business.

“4 fingers.. My name is Joel Miller, I am home with my beautiful daughter, Sarah…” he smiled sweetly at her and kissed her forehead and then started walking towards the fridge to grab a drink for himself, “It’s Thursday, Obama is the president, and…” he held out his arms straight out from himself, water bottle in his right hand, and walked in a straight line toe, to heel back towards her, stopping in front of her, chuckling lightly as he touched his nose with each pointer finger like he was performing a field sobriety test, “I am fine baby girl. Just got off work early.” he booped her nose with his finger and began to walk to sit at the table to take his boots off. 

Sarah’s right eye twitched in disbelief, and she looked at him like he was nuts, “Dad, you never get off work early, especially on a Thursday…” she came and sat by him, “Is everything ok?” 

He smiled again warmly at her and gently grabbed her hand that was on the table, “Yes, everything is ok. I promise.” he gently gave it a squeeze, “Everyone is safe and healthy. I am just home because I had some errands to run before the stores closed.”

Sarah looked at him puzzled for a few seconds then gasped loudly, “Did you have a date?!” 

He cocked his head at her and let out a deep gut laugh, “Sarah.. If I ever go on a date looking like this, and smelling like..” he raised his armpit and took a few sniffs and then waved his other hand in front of his nose “Jesus… smelling like this..? You need to admit me to a psych ward, because that means I’ve lost my damn mind!” 

Sarah giggled at his playfulness and nodded, “Understood.” She stood up from the table and went to walk away but stopped suddenly and looked back at her dad, head tilted to the side in curiosity, “If you weren’t on a date, then what errands did you do to come home empty handed?” 

She wasn’t going to let this go. Joel and her were as thick as thieves. They told each other everything, nothing was hidden from each other, at least for the most part, Sarah kept boys that flirted with her to herself, obviously. 

“I uh, I read Y/N’s letters last night, and one of them gave me an idea of something I could send her in addition to the normal letters we write, somethin’ small but meaningful since she said she was getting deployed..” he cleared this throat and scratched the scruff of his chin, trying to not give any added context that you were struggling. But also, he went out of his way to pretty much send you a care package.

He knew Sarah would take the intention out of context and she’d think something more.. was going on. Which there wasn’t, not that Joel wouldn’t mind that, but it was meant purely as a friendly gesture, or that’s what he kept telling himself. 

“That’s nice of you dad, what did you get her?” Sarah looked at him with a sweet smile. 

He broke eye contact and starting untying his second boot to take off his foot, “She um.. mentioned that she likes taking pictures, so I sent her a disposable camera.” he tossed the second boot next to the first and then stood up, “Told her if she sent it back, I’d get the photos developed for her…” he left the part out about the necklace and how he also said how he’d keep sending camera’s so that he had an excuse to meet up with her in person, Sarah didn’t need to know about that plan, at least not yet. 

He started walking out of the kitchen, up the stairs, “Anyways, I’m going to hop into a quick shower then I’ll make us something to eat.” 

Sarah nodded and then stood in the kitchen and smiled to herself as Joel continued up the stairs. She knew her dad better than anyone, and she knew when he breaks eye contact and then removes himself from a conversation, there’s more he doesn’t want to share. However, Sarah was ok with that. He seemed lighter and happier since getting letters from you; and for him to take work off early…that wasn’t something he just did for anyone. He only did things like that for those he truly cared about.

—

Joel showered and then made the two of them what Sarah called ‘The Joel Special’ - which was a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee’s Beefaroni and homemade garlic bread. 

Sarah retired early to her bedroom as she mentioned she had a paper to finish and early morning tomorrow for the debate team before school. 

Joel was left in the kitchen, cleaning off the dishes, stuck inside his thoughts, wondering what you were up to right now. Since your last letters, you were a constant thought in his mind. Especially after seeing what you look like. How beautiful you were. Hell, you were in your uniform and still took his breath away. He couldn’t fathom how good you’d look in a sundress or just regular clothes, that thought drove him somewhat mad. 

He did wonder what you normally wore and how you did your hair. He could see you wore a bun which signaled you had longer hair. He also could tell you had a very feminine energy about you, were you someone that wore a lot of makeup or took the more natural approach? Either way didn’t matter to him, he just wondered. He was very curious to get to know you more out of the military. 

However, he knew he probably wouldn’t see that side of you for a long time as he knew when Tommy served and would Skype him, he was always in his uniform or some form of it. 

I wonder if she’d be up to Skyping at one point? Maybe in a couple weeks, I’ll put the idea out there… or maybe mention it in the letter? He thought as he finished loading up the dishwasher. 

He put a dishwasher tablet in, wiped down the counters and table, put the coffee machine to pre-brew for the morning and then headed upstairs after making sure everything was secure and taken care of. 

He knocked on Sarah’s door lightly before opening it up a little, “Hey sweet pea, let’s be in bed by 9pm. Also, I’ll take you to school tomorrow if you’d like. Gotta leave by 6:30 am right?” he said looking down at her reading something at her desk. 

“Ok dad, and sure, that’d be nice to grab a ride. Yeah, by 6:30am!” she looked up with a soft smile. 

“Sounds good, I’ll set my alarm to be up in time. Goodnight, I love you.” he leaned in and kissed the top of her head before lightly closing the door again after she said goodnight back and walked to his bedroom. 

He shut his door and then pulled out the bedside table Sarah had got for him last Christmas, for when she does breakfast in bed for him on birthdays and other special events, before pulling out a pen and paper and sitting on top of his sheets. 

He turned on his bedside table lamp and turned the tv on the sports channel for some background noise before zoning in and writing: 

‘Y/N, June 12, 2014

Told ya I’d be writing another letter! :) 

This one should be to you maybe a day or two after the package I sent. I hope it finds you well. I also hope you made it to your base overseas safely. I remember when my brother went over there the flight was brutally long and the plane they went over made him forever now terrified of flying. I hope that didn’t happen for you, that you got to fly more comfortably. 

I first wanted to thank you for trusting me with the anxieties you were feeling in your last letter. I know that writing and opening up like that to anyone, but someone like me, I mean we are two steps away from being somewhat strangers, was not the easiest. Hell, I’d be nervous to do it… but you did.. so… thank you for trusting me with so much important information you shared, I won’t make you regret it.

I also want to say, you aren’t alone, and you aren’t pathetic for feeling that way. 

In all honesty, I tend to also feel the same way whenever I feel anything but happy. I would say ‘I’m pathetic for feeling sad, alone, hell… for when I grieved - when Sarah’s mom left us.’ I felt stupid for feeling mad, betrayed, and left alone to raise our daughter. However, I was wrong, I had every right to feel those things. It took a long time to come to terms with that - a whole lot of growin’ up on my part, also some convincin’ from my brother and Sarah… but those feelings are valid, and you aren’t less of a person for feeling them. 

In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right? 

I know, at least speakin’ for myself, I’ve found great comfort in our letters, in your humor, your stories.. like.. Levi - he sounds like my granddad. He took the place of my dad when I was growing up a lot of the time. My dad was worried more about gambling and bets than my mom, brother and I. But my granddad - stepped in and up. He taught my brother, Tommy, and I, everything about being a man. How to work hard, provide for our family, how to respect women, how to pretty much be what my dad wasn’t. 

He was alive when Sarah’s mom left us, he was the one to tell me that it was time to be the man he raised me to be. He wasn’t wrong, I needed to hear that. It shaped me to be the man and father I am for Sarah. She’s everything to me and like you said, I will move heaven and earth for those in my life I love. 

I’m so sorry to hear that Levi passed, I can tell he left a huge mark and influence in your life and heart. I hope you know that he is with you and always will be in spirit. 

By the way, quick side note, I was told by Sarah that she wanted this picture sent of us to you :)

She’s a lot better at capturing moments than I am on her camera so we will have to thank her for being proactive or I would probably never get photos to you. I think I would be better about it with my phone, but the damn Poloroid intimidates me. 

Perhaps when you’re back, we could text each other? It would be faster than letters, unless you like that, I’d be happy to do either or.

Before I forget, you asked my favorite animal, I like foxes. I think they are beautiful creatures and get a bad rap in my opinion. I also love whales like you. I remember there was an episode that we watched that explained that there was a resident pod of whales that have continued to stay by this coast in Oregon, um, if my memory serves me, I think it was Depoe Bay? And it said they’ve continued for years to come back and their pod keeps growing… that’d be cool to see, don’t you think? 

Speaking of animals, what was the reason behind Levi’s nickname for you, ‘Cricket’’..? Do you chirp in your sleep or somethin’ cute like that?

Your last letter, you asked about hobbies and I told you I didn’t have any, but now that I think of it, I guess I kind of do. I do woodworking here and there. I haven't done it in a few years unfortunately- but I specialized in rocking chairs and I was approached by an old family friend today to make one for their pregnant daughter’s nursery. Any ideas of what I should carve into it? I was thinking since they are having a girl doing flowers or maybe an intricate bow. What do you think? I’d love your thoughts. I’ll have Sarah take pictures to also keep you updated on its process, would that be ok?'

Joel looked over at your picture and smiled softly, running his fingers through his hair anxiously, thinking if he should ask about maybe doing a Skype call as that’s how he kept in touch with Tommy while he was deployed. 

'I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ' he stopped writing and fiddled with the pen between his thick fingers, thinking, slightly panicking.

He shook his head and exhaled, chickening out. ‘Too soon..’ he thought to himself. 

He lazily scribbled over the text in an attempt to hide what he wrote. 

'I’ll wrap this up as I’ve got an early morning but I just wanted to say a few final things:

-You aren’t alone. 

-Your feelings are valid. 

-Broncos need a better offense and the Vikings need a better team - GO COWBOYS! ;)

All my best, 

Joel’ 

He put the photo of him and Sarah in the envelope and then folded his papers into thirds before sticking it in the envelope and licking it shut.

He put it on his nightstand to remind him to drop it off at the post office on the way to work tomorrow morning, turned off his light and tv and slowly fell asleep. 

Reader POV

2 weeks later 

You have been in the middle of nowhere for the past 2 weeks. The commanding sergeant wasn’t kidding when he said your assignment was immediate. Once you got off the plane and into the Humvee, the four of you were driven another hour to a smaller city outside of Bagram. 

Once there, you were to provide immediate medical assistance to the troops and allies there. 

Maria and you worked together to triage and maintain a good rhythm to make sure those with more immediate needs were taken care of while Reggie and Terrance took on the less immediate concerns. 

The four of you worked well together, especially after Reggie got over his feelings and got to know you and Maria more. You finally caved and told him why you two laughed at his name, and told them about your pen pals. Reggie understood and agreed, the name Reginald was a poor name. 

After that, and finding your rhythm, you all worked like a well oiled machine. 

___

0900 hours - June 19, 2014

“Maria, I need some help over here!” you shouted across a tent that was filled with a mixture of fellow troops and city folk. 

You had a young man on the table from the local village, no more than 13, bleeding out of his chest from what you were told was caused by shrapnel from a grenade explosion that happened about 2 miles south of your location. 

For the last 2 days there had been a stand off between the American soldiers and members of the enemy. 

7 dead. 

16 wounded. 

9 hours on your feet. 

Your medical tent was full and people just kept coming. You and Maria were moving patients into your own bed quarters to keep attending to people. 

Maria rushed over, your hands putting pressure on the wound that must’ve nicked an artery based on how much blood had been coming out. “What do you need?” she said ready to dive in wherever needed. 

“Get some gauze and put pressure on the wound. I’m going to get IV going and then a repair kit to attempt to tie off the cause of this bleeding.” you moved your hands that were quickly replaced by hers and turned around to rinse your hands in a basin full of water with as much speed as possible without being reckless. 

You had picked up a little bit of the language in the little time you had been there. You smiled softly at the boy looking terrified back at you laying on the table, “I am here to help. Can you tell me your name?” you said in Dari, which was the general language spoken in that region. 

He nodded frantically “Azzami…” he said softly. While he spoke you quickly and effectively stuck him with an IV needle and started pushing fluids.

“Hello Azzami, my name is ____ and this is Maria.” You said in Dari again. “I need you to stay still and keep your eyes on Maria, for me, can you do that?” you said slower and used hand signals to help translate as you now spoke in English. 

He nodded “Look Maria. Stay still.” 

You nodded “Yes, good.” you said in Dari. 

Azzami turned his head and kept eye contact with Maria. She smiled and softly hummed a song to him that you both had heard mothers sing to their babies around the village. 

You took that as your chance to do what you needed to do. You grabbed some forceps and a needle and sutures, as well as moving the light that was shining overhead closer to Azzami’s chest. You looked at Maria quickly and said “This is going to hurt him like a bitch, keep humming.” 

You immediately dug your finger into the wound to investigate where the bleeding was coming from, and almost immediately you felt the left thoracic artery leaking. Azzami screamed and cried, Maria held his head and shoulders down and continued to hum to him louder, keeping eye contact. 

“Very good Azzami, you’re so brave.” you said in Dari as you started to wrap a stitch to stop the bleeding. Before you were done he passed out from the pain. 

You started to hum along with Maria, not knowing if he was conscious enough to still know what was going on, but wanted to still provide him comfort. She looked at you and nodded towards the injury after you finished, “You think you got it?” 

You nodded “Yeah, that’ll hold. I just need to dress it up and then give him a shot of antibiotics.” you started to gather the needed supplies to dress the wound, “You’re good to go help Reggie, he’s been doing compressions on that guy for the past 10 minutes..” you sadly looked his way briefly, you knew that doing compressions that long didn’t mean anything good. Maria nodded and started heading that way. 

You finished dressing Azzami’s wound and gave him a shot of antibiotics before Terrance called you over to help with another in take. 

You ran over “What do we have?” you asked as you started a general examination, shining a light in the man’s eyes seeing a head wound, you saw no pupil reaction. 

“Anderson said he was hit in the chest, fell and hit his head, he’s been on site for at least 10 minutes…” Terrance said starting to grab gauze and a repair kit which was routine procedure for most chest wounds. You took your fingers to the pulse point of the soldier's throat and felt nothing. “Terr.. there’s no pulse, no pupil reaction..” you said matter of factly. 

Terrance shook his head frantically, taking gauze and pushing it to the chest wound, “No, there’s gotta be something we can do..” The number of deaths had been getting to him. He was someone that had a hard time letting go. 

You pulled your stethoscope off your neck and put it on the patient’s chest to listen, checking for even the smallest sound of movement, something to tell you there was a chance. Terrance stood still, looking at you, with hope. 

You pulled it off your ears to hang around your neck and shook your head. “DOA..” you put your hand over Terrance’s which was on the soldiers chest wound, covered in blood,  “Terr, he was struck pretty close to the aorta..” you looked at the entry wound. “... he was gone probably within the first 90 seconds of getting hit. He was out there with little to no care for what we think was 10+ minutes. He’s dead. I’m sorry.” you sighed heavily and looked at the body before you, taking your free hand to the soldier's face and gently closing his eyes. “Rest now… you served valiantly..” you whispered gently. 

You stepped back and nodded at Terrance before you took off the gloves you had on your hands and moved onto the next patient. You shoved every ounce of frustration and sadness down deep. Now wasn’t the time. 

That chaos went on for 6 more hours. 

6 more grueling hours filled with blood, sweat and tears. 

5 more deaths.  

18 more wounded. 

You traded off with the other crew of medics as you work 12 hour shifts at time to avoid burnout when you’re not out in the field. 

Terrance and Reggie offered for you and Maria to come rest in their quarters as they knew you guys had patients currently in yours.

You laid flat on the ground as soon as you got inside, the small fan hitting you like a godsend. You went from humid heat to dry heat in Afghanistan and you were bitter about it because you never had air conditioning, just small fans that you felt just pushed the heat around.  

Terrence sat on his bunk, looking down at his hands, mind far from here. 

Maria laid beside you and let out a breath of relief “I just heard Sgt. Beck tell someone that we cleared out that area; whoever is left on the other side is either dead or surrendering. We shouldn’t have any more heat come through.” 

You sighed heavily and put your arms over your head to cover your eyes “Oh thank god..” you were all exhausted. The last two weeks had been grueling. Little to no sleep, and mentally draining. You barely had time to even shower half the time or eat, it was constant. 

Reggie came in grinning ear to ear, “Ladies and well.. Terrance.. good news! We finally got mail!” He said, shaking his hips like the idiot he tended to be. 

You all shot up excitedly and turned towards him. Maria and you standing walk up to him. 

The mail was temporarily delayed due to the village entrance being deemed unsafe for the last two weeks. You were sure that the postcard you tried to get to Joel within the first few days, letting him know you got there safely, hadn't made it out of the village.

You all needed contact from the outside, you needed to hear from your loved ones. 

“Maria, you have 3 letters, milady.. Two from mom and dad, one from a.. Mr. Miller…? Oooh is this Reginald?!” he caught on and remembered the name of her pen pal you guys told him about. He shook the letter up in the air teasingly towards her. 

Maria grabbed all three envelopes and stuck her tongue out at Reggie, “His name is Tommy, but yes, this is who that idiot-” she nodded towards you, you hold up your hands in defense, “..calls Reginald.” 

You chuckled and looked at Reggie, “So feisty, isn’t she?” 

He chuckled along with you and nodded, and then looked at the mail he had remaining, “Ooh would you look at that! You got spoiled… you not only got a letter but a small parcel from Mr. Joel..” he shook the parcel in front of you teasingly like he did with Maria. 

You blushed slightly and smiled “Wait what? He sent a parcel?” you asked, reaching for the letter and parcel, confused as you didn’t know what he could have possibly had sent. 

Reggie pulled back to tease you further, he had a shit eating grin plastered on his face, “Would you look at that! You’re blushing… Oooh you liiike him!”

You chuckled and went to grab the items again, “No, I-” only for him to pull them away and start to run away from you like a child. 

Now you were pissed. Before he got out of arm's reach you grabbed him by the collar of the shirt and pinned him against the bunk bed he and Terrance shared, “Hey shit stain, you wanna play this game with me?” 

Reggie swallowed hard and shook his head. 

“Good boy. Now give me my mail.” you smirked, holding out your free hand. He slowly gave you both items. You let his collar go then gave him a playful punch to the gut, “Thanks Reggie..”

He coughed and groaned in pain, “Not cool, man.” 

You ignored him and went to sit down at their desk, now curious as to what the hell Joel sent to you. 

You looked between the two items and tried to decide which to open first. You looked at the post date and saw the parcel was sent first so opened that one. 

You pulled out the postcard and started to read it and then stopped when he mentioned the first item in the package. 

You slowly took the disposable camera out and smiled widely then went back to the postcard, reading that part. 

‘The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those… 

…I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took, we’ll call it a meet and greet and it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up…’

You smiled at that last part warmly, as well as a warmth creeping up your neck up to your cheeks as you liked he wanted an excuse to meet up. You wanted the same, very much so. 

You then pulled out the second item, the velvet bag inside the parcel.

As Levi would have said ‘Close your mouth honey, you look like a trout.’ with how wide your jaw dropped when you realized the pendant inside. 

You looked and read the passage about the significance and meaning behind the pendant. Tears welled up and a few streamed down as you read through the remainder of the postcard, lightly chuckling to yourself at his closing remark about praying away the bugs.

The thought and sincerity behind the symbol alone was enough to make you want to sob tears of joy. 

No one, and you meant it, no one, in years, made you feel this seen. This cared for.. or given you even an ounce of genuine sincerity without wanting something in return. 

All Joel wanted was your time. He wanted to get to know you more from what this felt like. He wanted to make you happy and feel safe, at least that’s what acts like this made you feel. 

You felt nothing but warmth by this gesture.

You took the pendant and put it around your neck, wearing it proudly and feeling ten times lighter with it on. 

You looked back at the rest of the group, wanting to stay in this moment by yourself and Joel just a little longer. They were all still head deep in their mail, you smiled as you turned back around and opened the letter excitedly, almost ripping with your eagerness. 

“Shit…” you giggled to yourself at how giddy you felt. 

You pulled out the letter first then pulled out the photo inside and immediately smiled brighter seeing Joel’s smile. 

You traced your fingers over the photo and chuckled at Sarah’s goofy smile, wondering what the context of the photo is between the two of them.

You set the photo down and began reading the letter. 

You felt nothing but comfort and security by his words of support. 

‘In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right?’

You felt the warmth of your blushing immediately hit your cheeks and your cheeks started to hurt by how much you were smiling when reading over the term of endearment, sweetheart. 

You smiled and nodded, thinking to yourself, ‘Yeah, I’ve got you now..’

You read the part about his grandfather carefully, taking in each detail he shared with you, appreciating his openness and vulnerability, sharing details about Sarah’s mother as well. 

You smiled more reading how Sarah took the photo and asked to send it to you, but then chuckled reading how the Polaroid intimidates Joel. You imagined him not being the most tech savvy person and that made you chuckle more. 

You blushed deeply and you felt a tug at your heart when he brought up texting when you got home, and nodded to yourself, you’d like that too. Hell, you’d love to keep up the letters as well. It could be your thing, together. 

You continued reading, making mental notes of what questions to reply back to him in your next letter.. especially concerning the rocking chair, you would love to share your opinion with him.

You got to the part he scribbled out and looked confused, ‘Did he spell something wrong?’ you chuckled lightly as he was someone who never had typo’s or scribbles in his letters so far. You tried to decipher what it could have said holding it close to your eyes.

Then you then held it up to the desk light and as clear day it read,

“I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ” 

You thanked God that Maria wasn’t around to see the stupid fucking smile you wore on your face right now, she’d never let you hear the end of it.

You put your hand over your mouth shyly to hide the excitement you wore across your face. If any of the other 2 dipshits saw how giddy you were over a letter from your ‘pen pal’, like Maria, they’d never shut up. 

You traced your finger over the part and thought to yourself ‘Maybe he thought it was too forward? Too soon?’ You shrugged unbothered because to you, it was sweet he didn’t want to be too forward. It felt very gentlemanly, something you have never had or experienced. It made you feel special, respected.  

It also didn’t matter because in your next letter you would ask him, rip the band aid off for the both of you. 

You read the last little bit of the letter and let out a laugh louder than you would have liked at his last line about the Broncos, Vikings and Cowboys. Alerting the others and popping your little bubble prematurely for your liking.

Maria zoned in like a shark smelling blood in the water at that kind laugh. “What? What’s so funny?” she stood up, and started walking over to you, smiling. 

You quickly cleared your throat and folded the letter up, “Oh uh.. Joel just said something about football that was funny.” you hoped to God she wouldn’t pick up on anything else. 

She smiled and hummed in acknowledgement. She then went to walk back to her spot but then stopped and turned back towards you, looking at your necklace, “That’s new..” 

It was then where you saw all the stupid damn dots connect in her head and smirked like the Grinch did when he plots to steal Christmas, “That’s new, as in the parcel from Joel, new..” she chuckled lowly and then crept back over, giddy as hell. 

You turned bright red and grabbed the necklace in your fist to try and hide it, feeling exposed and caught red handed, “Maria stop it..” you whispered and chuckled trying to defuse how red you felt. 

She laughed softly, slightly enjoying watching you squirm. She then grabbed your arm and lightly shook you a little, like the cuteness aggression took over her, then she stopped and whispered to you, “Ok… I’ll stop if you tell me everything when we are away from these two dipshits… and I mean everything.” she nodded to the necklace.

You looked over her shoulder at Terrance and Reggie, who were distracted by pages of Playboy they must’ve had a buddy mail to them. You chuckled and shook your head at how ‘boyish’ they could be. You looked back at Maria, “Fine, but we listen and we don’t judge or tease…” 

She pondered for half a second, “I can’t fully agree with the no teasin’ part, but I won’t judge.” she stuck her hand out for you to shake in agreement. 

You rolled your eyes and smiled “Fine.” you grabbed her hand and shook it, “Now drop it for now.” 

She smiled and nodded “Deal. Lips are sealed.” she winked. 

Previous chapter - Next Chapter

taglist: @sarahhxx03 , @blahkateisdone , @sunnytuliptime , @herebriefly , @pedroscurls

[heartedbysunoo]

INTERVIEW

JAY: “I feel a sense of responsibility to work hard and not lose these people”

ENHYPEN ‘ROMANCE : UNTOLD -daydream-’ 컴백 인터뷰ENHYPEN ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream- comeback interview

2024.11.21

JAY loves Oasis, so I asked him what their song “Wonderwall” means to him. Everyone who hears the song has their own interpretation, but for JAY, the title of the song meant “support.” Read on to learn who he relies on for support more than anyone—and who he feels compelled to look after for the same reason.

You visited your hometown, Seattle, for the first time in eight years during your world tour earlier this year. How did it feel to go back as an artist?

JAY: It felt great. It felt like I was being welcomed back on home soil. There was even an article about it in The Seattle Times. (laughs)

You threw the first pitch at a Seattle Mariners home game with the group and received a surprise video message from player Jay Buhner.

JAY: My dad was thrilled. (laughs) He talked about how he absolutely loved baseball even when he was a kid. I was happy because it felt like it wasn’t just my dream coming true, but my dad’s dream, too. I visited the Mariners’ home ballpark when I was really little, so I can’t remember it too clearly, but I made lots of new memories this time. Getting to throw that first pitch for the team that represents my hometown felt like a reward for all the hard work I’ve done up to now.

Quite the triumphant return. (laughs) You also filmed a vlog for ENGENE while there. What were you hoping to show them?

JAY: People these days are really into vibes and aesthetic, and there’s something uniquely chill about the ambience in Seattle. There are tons of famous jazz houses and old theaters, so it gives off a chill, antique vibe, which I wanted to give ENGENE a chance to share in, even if indirectly. I tried to show as much as I could within the time constraints, but there’s still so much I couldn’t show off.

In a live episode of JAY-FASHION with SUNOO focused on fragrances, you mentioned one you’d like to wear if you ended up going to Seattle. Did you actually wear it in the end?

JAY: That was the plan, but I started using all sorts of different fragrances in the meantime. (laughs) I used a different one that I bought when I was in Europe. It’s a rose and leather scent. Since Seattle gets a lot of rain, there’s lots of roses growing there, and during the rainy season, it seriously rains nearly five days out of the week. Anyway, that’s why roses remind me of Seattle. I don’t usually like the artificial rose smell, but I love perfumes that put their own spin on the smell of roses. I prefer fragrances with a hint of earthiness and a certain weight of natural smells.

Most of the fragrances you’ve introduced from your collection have heavy scents. Is there any reason for that?

JAY: I feel like a fragrance should bring out the positive qualities of the person wearing it, so I buy mine hoping they’ll give me an image as someone who’s deep. I tend to have fairly heavy, serious conversations, but when I’m with the group, we’re so close that it usually doesn’t end up that way. (laughs)

But you do always seem serious about performing. You talked about how you picked up the electric guitar for fun in your interview last year, and it seems like you’ve been practicing really hard, seeing as you played it onstage a number of times.

JAY: I’m still just a beginner, honestly. Lots of people reach their goals step by step as they learn something new, and I’m the same way, making my way toward the goals I set out for myself as I learn and experience a lot through guitar. I watch my old guitar videos to better understand where I’ve improved and what I still need to work on. I’m not good enough at guitar to make it my main thing, so I think I need to improve technically and as far as stage presence goes.

What gives you the motivation to keep practicing guitar despite your busy schedule?

JAY: I see it as a clear-cut goal that I want to personally achieve. When I practice, I look at guitarists I love and respect and who inspired me to play, like Stevie Ray Vaughan, and even though I know I’ll never reach their level, I’m going to at least learn to imitate them. I just try and make sure there’s always at least one guitar in my line of sight wherever I go. It’s important to put in the effort to keep up with something continuously, but having a guitar always within arm’s reach is the key. Plus, playing is the best way for me to deal with my emotions. I’ve always been the kind of person who needs to vent emotionally. Before I started learning guitar, I tried working out, and one time I even tried just shouting. (laughs) Playing electric guitar feels similar to screaming “aaah!” at the top of my lungs, both in the sound it makes and how I make the sound, just it doesn’t hurt my throat.

You really seem to love rock music. Has rock shaped your values in any way?

JAY: I think rock is among the genres of music that have changed the world. I feel it’s shifted listeners’ attitudes to create a more liberated world—one where more people can freely express themselves with dignity. People still have to be careful not to hurt others’ feelings when expressing themselves, of course.

As a fan of guitar and bands, being part of GLAY’s 30th-anniversary concert must have been very significant for you.

JAY: It made me realize that my passion for what I’ve loved for so long has gotten through to someone and that I have to hold onto that passion in the future, too. Even though I don’t play in a band, the mere fact that I said I like rock made this great band want to nurture my passion and teach me. Seeing artists respect other people’s music has been an invaluable experience for me. It was clear to me there was something to be learned from GLAY that could only be learned from them, and I wanted to do that so I could improve more. Not only did my passion never wane, but it eventually got through to some else, too, and that made me confident enough not to be afraid of pursuing my passion further.

What influence has that experience had on your musical tastes and what you’ve been trying to do since?

JAY: I love guitar in and of itself, and I’m really interested in rock music and different bands, so I’m trying to work in as many different styles as I can. I have a ton of ideas, but there’s a limit to what I can do with my hands and with my voice, so I’m working on the countless ideas I get from listening to different kinds of music one by one at the speed I’m able to.

In “No Doubt,” the lead single off your repackaged album, you used the same great rough vocals you used in your GLAY collaboration “whodunit” and your cover of the L’Arc~en~Ciel song “HONEY.”

JAY: From the minute I heard the demo version, I knew I had to sing it with rough-sounding vocals like that. Not everyone thinks so, but I feel like my voice sounds better when it’s rougher instead of soft and resonant. That was something I looked into to make my vocals sound a little better, so it was fairly intentional. (laughs)

Both “XO (Only If You Say Yes)” and “No Doubt” are love songs, but your persona in each feels different.

JAY: I come across as a little younger than I really am on “XO (Only If You Say Yes),” while on “No Doubt,” I guess you could say it’s a love that’s a little mature for my real age—liking and yearning for someone, but also having a hard time, and having all these thoughts swimming around in your head. What it’s ultimately about is a love that never changes, even in the face of all those feelings and difficulties. The message of the repackaged album and the mood of the song show what a slightly more emotionally mature ENHYPEN looks like.

How did you seek to express ENHYPEN’s more mature take on love while recording your vocals?

JAY: “No Doubt” is a song filled with complex emotions, I think. Thinking about that other person can feel good but also be difficult, and your head’s swimming with thoughts of desperate longing, but you’re certain in your resolve. What I had in my head when I recorded was, “You’re the one for me.” I ultimately look at recording vocals and performing onstage as forms of acting. That’s why I always immerse myself in songs and performances by placing myself in the story.

In the fan dedication song “Highway 1009,” you wrote the lines, “Just trust me and tag along / Just look at me and come along.”

JAY: We’ve received so much from fans since we debuted by going through the show I-LAND. They give their hearts to us, like, “You’re so amazing. I’m gonna stan you!” So I feel like I need to continue living up to the faith ENGENE has shown in us since then. I feel a sense of responsibility to work hard and not lose these people. I hope one day we surpass expectations and change the order of things so that we prove ourselves first and only then does ENGENE show us love. They’ve followed us and said good things about us back from when we were nothing, so it’s our job to turn ourselves into something.

You mentioned in 2023 ENniversary MAGAZINE about wanting to take the hard path with ENGENE, not the easy path.

JAY: I don’t think there’s anything so easy to lose as hearts you had won over easily. If you get something effortlessly and just say, “I’m happy. The end!” then it becomes easy to lose in any number of ways, like through excessive pride, ignorance, or indifference. What I need to do now is be sure of why ENGENE loves me and keep moving forward, to make what’s happened to me truly mine.

That sounds like exactly what you meant on Weverse when you wrote, “It’s our job to give you that smile, so just believe in us. It’s ENGENE’s job to smile.”

JAY: What keeps the world turning is the countless people on this planet whose lives are all interconnected like pieces of a puzzle. It’s my belief that people fulfilling each other’s needs is what makes the world go round. ENHYPEN is one cog in the machine and I think, when it comes to people who rely on us, our role is to alleviate their negative feelings, like loneliness and anxiety, to whatever degree we’re able. Obviously, as we go through life, unexpected things come up, and no one knows what slip-ups might happen. There are also going to be times when the world, or other people, force us to face our worries and anxieties. And I think, whenever that happens, it’s our job to give ENGENE the courage to live a happy life, and to make them feel better even when misfortune finds them. Whether ENGENE loves us forever, a short time, or leaves and comes back, I just want to make sure they don’t regret the time they spent with us.

What do you do to make sure of that?

JAY: I try to live an upright life, even when no one can see me. If you’re going to really earn people’s trust, you have to have your own rules and clear standards for life and put them into practice, even when no one’s watching. That way, I think I can influence and convince others, too, when I need to sometime in the future. It’s nice that even more people give me love and I become even more famous by working hard, but I think it’s more important to be a good, upright person first. If I can do that, then ENGENE will naturally come to trust and follow me. That’s why I need to lead by example.

Do you think these values you hold are also why you always take such good care of the people around you?

JAY: Oh, I mean, I think taking good care of those around me is a given. My philosophy is, you have to be good to your people, since they’re your people, and if you can’t, then you shouldn’t make them your people at all. And I’ve always been someone who wants to help a lot of people and share what I have. (laughs) And I have to be upright and capable to do that. I work on my self-improvement specifically so I can look after others. My life motto is, “I want to make my people happier. I want to make the world a happier place.” Making the most out of life, working hard, being good to the people around me—these three things come together as a bundle for me.

What kind of happiness do you hope to bring to ENGENE through your efforts?

JAY: I have just one wish. I think our main responsibility is to make sure ENGENE doesn’t come to regret whatever effect we have on them. They might love us forever, or just a short while, or come and go then come back again. I hope everyone who’s been with us, even those who are only with us for a short while, is always happy and has a positive view of the world. That’s exactly what gives my work purpose and why I look on it with pride. (laughs)

[digitaldiarystuff]

The Interview

Hi guyss! Thank you so much for the support for my last post, here’s another idea I’ve had and if you want a part 2 to any of my stories feel free to reach out to me!

————

summary: You’re an actress in Spain who supports atletico and are asked in an interview about Joao’s goal against your team, you playfully answer and receive a notification afterwards.

genre: fluff

pairing: Joao Felix x Y/N

————

So, Y/N, we’re coming to the end of our interview but before that, I see here in my cards that you’re a die hard Atletico fan. Is it true?” Jim, the interviewer asked. You giggled.

“It’s true Jim, growing up, my dad was a football man. We spent every weekend watching games in the stadium or at home and I still do, just not going to games because of my crazy schedule, just watching them with my Griezmann shirt at home. We’re all big fans.” you answered truthfully. You loved watching the games but sometimes it was hard to catch up.

“So, did you watch the game they played against Barcelona?” he asked, intrigued.

“I did, actually. It was heartbreaking.” you said.

“Oh yeah yeah. Felix scoring the goal.”

“Yeah, it was hard to watch because I always knew he was a good player, seeing him score against us was hard.” you answered hoping that nobody would get upset because as much as it was true, you knew you had to make interviews professionally. Especially the live ones.

Soon after, the interview was done and you were in the backstage grabbing your items to head out. It was an off-day and you had planned on going home and not do anything.

When you went into the house, your dog, Biscuit was waiting for you at the door. You played with her for a few minutes and then grabbed some treats from the kitchen and a blanket to make yourself cozy and watch some TV but your phone vibrating like crazy meant the interview was up and everyone had seen it. You weren’t a big time celebrity but your recent role in a Netflix series has gained you tons of attention.

You were going through your message requests seeing the good and the bad things people said until one name caught your eye.

Joao Felix

Sorry to break your heart 💔 he said. You stared at the message for what felt like an eternity.

Maybe one or two footballers slid in your dm’s in the past months but none had any effect on you but Joao’s single sentence made your tummy flip. Was he mad? How could you respond to this, if you were to respond of course because you shouldn’t. Right?

It’s a little late for that, what’s done is done, you wrote but deleted right after, was it too harsh. You always had a weird sense of humor and enjoyed banter in flirting but you didn’t even know if this was flirty.

Well, you could always make up for it, you wrote then but feared it might be too forward, what if he was just apologizing genuinely to a fan? Oh god that would be embarrassing.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just your job” you wrote and sent. This is the most appropriate, you thought. And maybe, he wouldn’t even respond after this.

You were wrong, he replied back in a minute.

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

Okay, this wasn’t about all fans, you thought. Because he specifically asked what could he do for you. Breathe Y/N, breathe.

Before replying, you quickly went onto his page, he was an amazing looking athlete there’s no denying and you’re single so you shouldn’t feel bad about the butterflies in your stomach.

“You could start with a dinner.” you replied and threw the phone on the couch scared of his response. Oh god, you hope you didn’t misread the interaction.

After a few minutes you decided this was stupid and picked the phone up.

“My pleasure. Tonight at 8?” he wrote and you nearly screamed, this gorgeous man was taking you out tonight and you were already shaking.

You quickly said ok and decided to have a long shower and get ready since it’s already 5. He also asked for your location to pick you up at 8.

After the shower you went into your closet trying to decide on what to wear and ended up with a navy dress and did your makeup. Just as you were putting on earrings, you heard the door knock. You tried calming yourself and opened the door and saw the most handsome man you’ve ever laid eyes on with a big smile and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“Hi.” he said sheepishly.

“Hi.” you replied equally giddy.

“Are you ready?” he asked, eyeing you up and down.

“Yes, here just let me take those of your hands and we can go.” you said, blushing because he was looking at you with no shame.

He drove you to a fancy restaurant which you’d once been with your manager as a celebration but he reserved a secluded table for the two of you.

At first, you were a little nervous about being on a date with him but that quickly went away as you talked about anything and everything. You quickly realized he was the most down to earth guy and wasn’t full of himself. He listened and gave you compliments as you described your life and you listened about his career. Before you knew it, it was nearly midnight and you were having the time of your life. You didn’t have to put on a facade with him and say whatever.

When the bill came, you of course offered but he wouldn’t budge and paid for the night and helped you walk to the exit with his hand on the small of your back. You got goosebumps just from a simple touch.

You went in the car and he started driving so you put on the radio and singing along the song when he joined you. You giggled.

“What, do you not like my voice?” he asked offended.

“No, I actually do.” you said. It felt like you knew him for years.

“I had fun tonight.” he said while walking you to your door.

“Me too, thank you for everything.” you said as you walked up the stairs to your door.

You stood just looking at each other’s eyes, lost in the moment.

“I sho-“

“Do you want to come inside?” you cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

“Yeah.” he smiled as you walked in the door.

He started looking at your home, analyzing details and when he saw the pictures of your family, he smiled.

“Did I also break your dad’s heart?” he asked.

“Why, are you going to buy him dinner too?”

“No, that was all for you.” he said as he walked over and held your waist looking at you intensely.

You looked up at him and smiled. He leaned in and stopped, as a way of making sure this was okay and you gave him the permission by pressing your lips against his. He smiled into the kiss and started moving his lips immediately. You lost yourself at his touch and placed your hands behind his head, playing with his hair. His hands roamed over your body trying to hold you closer.

“Y/N, I think I like you.” he said after you broke the kiss to breathe.

“I think I like you too Joao.” you said smiling widely.

“Now take me upstairs.” you said in a quiet tone, needing more of him.

He nodded immediately telling you to jump and wrap your legs around his torso. He carried you upstairs and you strengthened the connection you found today, until the sun came up.

You opened your eyes slowly, feeling a presence next to you and it was Joao. He was still sleeping. After you went to sleep, your mind wandered if this was just for one night but seeing him next to you happily snoring made that feeling go away. You carefully escaped his arms holding you at place to wash your face and go down to the kitchen. Just as you were passing the living room, you saw the flowers he brought last night. Smiling to yourself, you picked them up to put in a vase when you noticed a card sitting in between pink tulips.

You opened it up to see what was inside and found a note from him and smiled even wider if it’s possible.

“I hope this is the beginning of a great story”

————

Ahh, this was sooo sweet even when I was writing I was smiling, hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated luvs 🌷

[grumpyeagleandfriends]

À Terre II | Poe Dameron x OC/Reader

A/N: Reader is a Resistance pilot that was captured during a solo reconnaissance mission. They escape by hijacking a ship. Gravely injured and hanging by a thread, they rejoin the Resistance by crash landing just outside of the base on D'Qar. A certain distraught squadron leader runs out to help. 

Hurt/Comfort. Gratuitous, self-serving one shot TWO PART story. I have rewritten the first chapter in addition to adding on a second installment. This time it's in Poe's POV. I don’t like using “y/n” so I give the reader a generic, 1 syllable Star Wars name in the middle of this bad boy.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve been daydreaming about this for months years, so I finally decided to write it all out.  There’s a little bit of a long set up, but I’m not sorry about it.

Rating: T

Warnings: Mentions blood and torture. Shellshock/PTSD vibes. Cursing. Tons of graphic medical stuff. Injections (so needles).

Word count: 5,439

Masterlist

Blood was everywhere when he finally made it inside the cockpit...

Even after he got her free from the safety harness, when all he could do was keep her calm and alert until the med techs arrived, he noticed the way she looked at him, the way she pulled it together to focus every time she nearly fell asleep. Hol hadn’t been able to properly talk, but with every command he gave her, she nodded and tried her best to comply. 

The metallic iron smell of it nearly knocked him back when he opened the canopy. It covered everything. Her shaking hands, her hair, her flight suit, he even found it coating the inside of her mouth after he coaxed her to let him take away the life support mask. 

He desperately wanted to give her water to see if she could drink, but there wasn’t any to be found in the cockpit. He wanted to put her in one of his jackets to help stop her from shaking, but the patch of trees she crashed landed into was too far from his quarters on base. He wanted to scream at her for being so goddamn stubborn, but he couldn’t shake the way she desperately clutched onto his hand. 

They hadn't been careful enough when extracting her. There wasn't enough time to wait for proper immobilization equipment to be brought out to the crash site. Between Hol's blood loss and the ship leaking dangerous fluids into the forest, they made the difficult call to just move. 

Seeing that utmost trust in her eyes, alongside the fear and the pain, was what really scared him the most. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he let her die there, not after she clawed her way back to them.

He had no way of knowing at that moment, but the jostling when they lifted her out caused a broken rib to puncture one of her lungs. Poe couldn’t keep from blaming himself for his own role in that.

The second they placed her onto the hover gurney, her condition began to rapidly deteriorate. One of the med techs caught sight of her blue fingertips and immediately diagnosed a collapsed lung. Poe only just managed to clamber out of the cockpit to see it all. He stood frozen on the wing of the ship while he watched them cut open her flight suit to reveal her bloated chest. The bright glow of a laser scalpel quickly appeared and they made an emergency incision between her ribs to let the trapped air escape.

Once they got her breathing again, she was loaded onto the back of the waiting med truck and they took off. Poe was left to follow behind on the back of a ship technician's speeder bike.

--------------------------------------

He sprinted into the medbay only a few moments after Hol was rushed in on the hover gurney. Bypassing the waiting area and going directly through the sliding double doors was unusually easy. In hindsight it should have struck him as odd that no one stopped him, but the overstretched med staff meant that no one paid him any mind when he planted himself against the back wall in triage.

As promised, Kalonia’s team was already primed and waiting to receive her. Poe had to crane his neck to be able to see, but he counted at least seven different med techs helping transfer her over to the exam bed.

They began working like a well calibrated machine, her dirty flight suit was sliced open and quickly stripped away. As soon as they were connected, the more sophisticated diagnostic scanners lit up and began  displaying the worst of her injuries. Images of her chest cavity were produced on a monitor near the end of the exam bed, along with her vitals.

From where he stood, Poe was able to catch Hol’s foot beginning to subtly twitch. He wondered initially if he had just imagined the movement, but the surrounding med staff began to take notice as well.

“Eyes are beginning to flutter, she might be starting to come around.”  

Dr. Kalonia took a step back as her staff continued their work. She pulled aside the young medic who had been down in the cockpit with Poe. He began rattling off the details of Hol’s condition when found and how exactly she was transported. After a couple of minutes he began gesturing over his shoulder in Poe’s direction, causing Kalonia to promptly look up. Her eyes narrowed when she caught sight of him standing back by the door. 

Shit…

His back stiffened in preparation for an argument that never came.

“Dameron, get over here!”

She issued the instruction like an admiral as she pointed him over to the top of the exam bed.

He didn't think, he just immediately crossed over. The moment he was within reach, she grabbed hold of his arm and brought him to stand where she was.

“Do exactly what you did down at the crash site, alright? Talk to your pilot. Keep her calm.”

Hol’s head gently lolled to the side on the padded exam table, her face slack and eyes half-lidded. She went still once more just as he took his place. He cupped her face in his hands, noting how cool and clammy her skin felt against his palms.

Kalonia stood to his right, a penlight ready in her hand to test the reaction of her patient’s pupils.

“C’mon, Tarmin…” She called while carefully tugging open Hol’s eyelid.

Immediately, there was a weak moan, greatly muffled by the respirator mask. Hol tried to roll away from the touch, but Poe’s hands braced either side of her head.

“Hey, hey- it's okay. Easy, kid, easy.” He whispered, holding her in place just long enough for Kalonia to work.

“Settle down, Lieutenant.” The doctor spoke as she pulled away. “You crash landed on D’Qar. You’re in medical.”

Poe didn't let go once she finished. He continued cradling Hol's head, his short nails scratching at her scalp in some attempt at providing comfort.

Her body was fully exposed under the surgical lights, revealing the extent of the damage that he wasn't able to see back in the cockpit. The bruising along her abdomen and rib cage was mostly black, as if there were large ink blots staining her skin. There were blaster grazes on her right side, localized swelling where her right forearm was clearly fractured, wounds in her lower abdomen...

So much of it jumped out at once, he found it hard to focus on any one injury long enough. He began to wonder just what sort of state she was in before the crash.

Hol emitted another faint groan, one where he could distinctly hear a wheezing sound that came from deep in her chest. Her body jerked from the force of a cough. Red flecks of blood appeared inside the clear respirator mask.

Slowly, she began to blink against the lights. A worry line formed in the center of her forehead.

"No...n-no… "

It was hoarse and strained, but everyone standing around caught the audible plea. Hol's good hand suddenly lifted in an attempt to bat away those touching her.

Dr. Kalonia cursed.

"Restrain her! I'm trying to insert a chest catheter here!”

Padded white cuffs were produced and promptly attached around each of her limbs, securing her to the exam bed.

"Hol, look at me." Poe commanded. He cupped her jaw as he leaned directly over her, giving her no choice but to comply. He made himself the only thing she had to look at. His shadow worked to shield her eyes from the glaring overhead lights while also blocking her view of the med staff.

Her gaze was glassy and unfocused, but she was thankfully looking at him.

"You've got to relax." He urged, his hand smoothing her tangled hair back off her face as he spoke. "We’re trying to patch you up, alright? Let us help."

She blinked at the sound of his voice, and though the distress on her face didn't fade, she went still on the exam bed. Her eyes remained set in his direction.

"There you go, sunshine..." Poe quietly praised, using once again the affectionate name he knew she absolutely hated. "Keep those eyes on me, don't worry about anything else."

His attention never left her, but he was aware that Kalonia and another med tech were beginning to work at prepping the incision site to insert the chest tube. He wasn't convinced that Hol recognized who he was or even that she was somewhere safe, but he couldn't risk her getting freaked out by the procedure being performed on her chest.

There was still visible fear in her eyes, but she never looked away from him. Her struggling thankfully ceased as she began to lean into one of his palms bracing the side of her face.

"You're safe, you know that?" He found himself reminding her. The pads of his thumbs traced over the outer shells of her ears, trying again to ease the visible discomfort he saw etched in her face. "Promise you, babe. You're good, we've got you."

Hol winced before swallowing. His brow furrowed as he watched her lips suddenly part.

“Poe…"

Her voice was painfully raw, and normally the sound of her saying his name would have been reason for relief, but he only worried that she was wasting her energy trying to talk.

“Yeah, hey, Hol.” He greeted in a whisper, dipping just enough to brush his lips to her hairline. "It's me. I'm right here."

He frowned when she tried to say something more, something longer and impossible to parse.

"Shh-hey, no, that's enough. Don't want you to talk anymore." He gently scolded. "We’re going to do like before, okay? You relax while I run my mouth.”

Poe doubted she remembered their conversation down in the cockpit, but she thankfully fell silent. Her eyes remained on him as he kept quietly talking to her, blabbering on about how lucky she was to get out of briefings and inventory duty for the next few weeks, about how she was going to sit back on the medbay's best painkillers and watch the trashiest holovids he could find.

He knew deep down that she probably wasn't following him entirely, but he was trying to reassure himself at this point more than her. He was keenly aware that none of what he was saying was guaranteed, but he had to give himself something to hold on to, because imagining anything else simply was not an option for him. 

She had to pull through this.

She had to be fine.

Minutes passed like that, Hol's unfocused gaze trained on Poe's face as he worked at keeping her distracted. Kalonia was able to successfully insert the temporary catheter into Hol's chest, which would assure the function of her uninjured lung until they could patch up the other.

Poe listened closely as a medtech outlined all of the crucial information, providing him with the rough plan of how her treatment would proceed. Once they finished stabilizing her most grave injuries, she would be taken back for surgery. There would be some additional testing after, which would take a couple of hours...

The explanation suddenly stopped short when an alarm began to sound from one of the machines. The level of the urgency in the room immediately started to bubble over.

"Heart rate is increasing!" Someone announced.

Poe visibly paled as he watched Hol's eyes roll backward. His hands still bracing her head, he desperately looked up at the med staff, searching for some kind of instruction.

"Dameron, out!"

Kalonia swooped in and firmly shouldered him out of the way.

Before he could object, a med droid approached and began to usher him towards the door.

"Doc, what's going on?" He demanded, sidestepping the mechanical arms reaching for his shirt. "What's wrong?"

His question went ignored. Hold was entirely obscured from his view. There were too many people now surrounding the exam bed.

"She's seizing! Start anticonvulsants and prepare for a transfusion!"

"Master Dameron, the team needs to prepare the patient for surgery. You must leave."

The med droid's pincers whirred as it closed in on Poe.

"Don't tell me what I have to do!" He snapped, the outline of his jaw more pronounced as he spoke through clenched teeth.

In a moment of sheer stupidity, he pushed back hard against the unforgivingly solid metal chest. He clearly forgot that these droids were built to easily lift the deadweight of critically ill patients of any species.

The mechanical arms tightly wrapped around him, securing his own arms to his sides. They closed, crushing him flush against the droid's metal body. The gesture was completed so quickly that he could feel the air being forced out of his own chest.

Poe feebly kicked, but it was useless. The droid easily hauled him back out through the double doors and towards the waiting area.

________________________

The word about who crash-landed into the trees traveled like wildfire across base. All of black squadron, Finn, BB-8, several of the x-wing techs and pilots from various outfits formed a large group just outside of the medbay. Each of them had duties elsewhere that they were purposefully ignoring, choosing out of loyalty to be present while one of their own hung in some grave state between life and death. They were the ones who threw back countless drinks in the mess hall together, who organized a massive fantasy Gravball league that nearly sent the entire Resistance into chaos, and who pooled their commissary credits to throw each other birthday parties.

They were all present to witness the painful moment Poe was forcibly escorted out of the sliding double doors leading to triage.

"Shit!-alright, alright! Let go!" His shouts ricocheted down the hallway as he finally managed to yank himself free. The force of the motion caused him to promptly fall to the floor.

The others watched as he quickly scrambled up from the ground, stumbling and hurrying to kick at the back of the retreating med droid.

He missed, which only served to enrage him further. The doors promptly closed behind the droid and Poe spun around— his mouth set in a tight line while he began to inexplicably search his surroundings. His chest rose and fell for several beats. His face twisted into a sneer before he abruptly lashed out at the nearest object, sending a trashcan flying with his boot. The steel barrel was thankfully empty, but the sharp clang sent a shockwave across the medbay.

The few people waiting in the sitting area immediately stood up to vacate the space.

Finn was the first to take a step forward to intervene, but he was halted by a large hand on his arm. He turned his head to see Snap, skin still humid as if he came straight from the refresher.

"Best to stand back and let it pass." The pilot urged with a sad shake of his head. "His scenes are never pretty."

Finn didn't want to agree, but as he stood and watched the scene unfolding before them he couldn't find any reason to argue. Snap and the others would know better. They did know. 

Poe’s hands were pressed to the back of his head, his fingers laced together as he glared at the closed doors. He could have easily pushed his way back through, but he inexplicably remained where he stood. His eyes shot a deadly amount of spite toward whatever was happening on the other side of those doors— information that, for the time being, only he knew. 

His arms fell heavily to his sides. Ignoring the uneasy looks following him, he turned and traipsed over to the first row of waiting chairs, silently throwing himself down onto one of the seats.His legs stretched out while he leaned back, his arms folded over his chest.

He continued to stare at the doors, a hard glint in his eyes for the faceless goliath wrecking untold damage on the other side.

The others slowly filtered over to join him in the waiting area. A supportive hand would occasionally grip his shoulder or linger on his knee, but no one said anything. Those unvoiced questions sat heavy above their heads.

BB-8 remained near Poe’s feet, unusually still and silent.

Hours grudgingly crawled by. The light outside faded away and began to just barely creep back over the horizon when someone finally came out to speak to them.

Poe was the only one to be escorted back behind the double doors. Dr. Kalonia stood there waiting for him, still dressed in some of her surgical garb. Thankfully, her mask was off, because her facial expression alone was able to answer his most crucial question.

She was alive.

Kalonia began to turn before she motioned for him to come along.

"Follow me, Dameron..."

________________________

They walked together down the main hallway of the medical wing, back to where Poe knew the overnight patient beds were located. He remained silent as Kalonia gave the run through of everything— what exactly happened when he was forced out of triage and what they were able to correct during surgery. Internal bleeding was what caused Hol to begin seizing. They performed a blood transfusion that stabilized her enough to undergo surgery, but they hadn’t been confident that she would make it through. The surgery itself took hours, but they were successfully able to localize and stop the bleeding in her abdomen and patch up her punctured lung. They installed a more substantial drainage tube in her chest to allow excess air and fluids to escape so her lung could continue to heal.

She would need to be kept asleep so her body could focus on repairing itself, but Kalonia was going to let Poe see her while they performed some additional tests.

They came to a stop just before the smallest room along the hallway. Due to space constraints on base, most of the rooms along this corridor housed multiple beds. This room was only for patients in a bad enough state to justify being kept isolated from others.

Kalonia stood aside to let him enter first.

They had Hol lying half-covered on an exam bed, her chest was mostly obscured by bandages. The first thing he noticed was that she was clean now, so much so that it made his head spin. 

It shouldn’t have been such a surprise, because of course they were going to scrub away the blood and grime before putting her on fresh bedding. But still, the contrast from when he found her sitting strapped in that downed ship was startling.

Several machines were attached to her body. She was hooked up to a respirator and receiving fluids intravenously, but Poe also caught sight of the aforementioned drainage tube extending from a patch of bandages in her side. It ran all the way over the edge of the bed into a receptacle on the floor. Her injured arm was wrapped in bacta strips and immobilized with a splint.

He remained a few feet away from her bed, a distance that he decided would be safe, because it felt too dangerous to touch her. His eyes slowly took in every piece of equipment being used to keep her stable, at first he began to count but stopped himself when he reached double digits.

His brow furrowed the moment he noticed the padded white cuffs still attaching Hol's wrists to the bed frame.

"Why is she still strapped down?" He demanded, his voice oddly distorted from hours of not speaking.

"It’s just a precaution for now.” Kalonia began to explain, seeming to choose her words cautiously. “She’s still on anticonvulsants to help reduce the likelihood of further seizures, but even while sedated there are still some tremors. With the location of the drainage tube we can’t risk her moving too violently or ripping it out when she wakes.” 

Poe blinked, taking a moment to process the information. 

"How long does she have to keep the tube?”

“No more than 2 to 3 days.” 

He nodded while he chewed on his lower lip, his eyes still trained on Hol. 

“Look, Dameron…” 

She interrupted his thoughts in a gentle tone that was meant to be comforting, but it only made the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight. Dr. Kalonia was known for ruthlessly running the medbay like a battleship. They went back far too long, he knew to brace for the worst whenever she started to go soft.

Poe turned to face her, the pit of dread he felt low in his stomach was only growing. He would have given anything in that moment for them to fall into their traditional roles, for him to be the one injured and for her to be yelling at him. - Dammit, Dameron! Either make yourself useful or get the hell out of my medbay!

But she only continued to speak in that horribly gentle tone.

“As Tarmin’s commanding officer, there is something else that you should know.”

She walked him around to the opposite side of the bed, where there was noticeably less tubing.

“During the examination before her surgery, I noticed some smaller injuries that made me order full lab work.”

He watched as she lifted the bit of blanket covering Hol’s legs. 

“I found infected injection sites on the insides of her arms and thighs, then these small circular burns on her ankles.”

Immediately Poe began to understand the rationale behind her delicate words.

He'd seen those marks on more than a few Resistance members who managed to escape capture. He sported similar ones himself after being captured on Jakku...after the Finalizer.

“We found traces of antipsychotics, nerve agents, and truth serum in her system.” Kalonia continued to explain. 

He bowed his head as he listened, the sour taste of bile was creeping up in the back of his mouth. He pinched the bridge of his nose while the facts began to register in his mind. His teeth clamped down on the inside of his cheek, he forced himself to slowly exhale.

"There are chafe marks on her body from restraints. The partial break to her humerus looks like it's from prolonged strain during intero—"

He couldn’t let her fully pronounce the word. 

"Alright!”

He didn't have it in him to yell anymore, but the tension in his voice filled the space like a streak of lightning.

To her credit, Kalonia never flinched at the sound. She stood patiently, unwavering, her face neutral as she watched him. An uneasy silence settled over the room.   

He took a shaky breath, being mindful to adjust his tone before continuing.

“It’s okay.” He spoke softly, voice trembling despite his efforts. “I-I got it, Doc.” 

He turned to face away as he desperately tried to calm the tightening in his throat. The corners of his eyes were sharply stinging. The best he could do to regain control was to continue biting down hard on the inside of his mouth, inhaling and exhaling through his nose.

After a couple of minutes he scrubbed both hands over his stubbled face. With the heels of his palms he rubbed at his eyes until he saw stars. Slowly, much too slowly for his liking, he was able to push his own agony down enough to recenter.

Poe turned to face Kalonia once more. He cleared his throat. 

“She's not going to be in too much pain when she wakes up?” He demanded. “You can keep her comfortable, right?”

She pointed his attention to the IV stand by the head of the exam bed.

"I can't promise when she wakes up that she won't be in some pain, but we can adjust the medication through her drip and it'll take effect almost immediately."

He nodded. His hand combed through his hair before he slowly approached the bedside once more.

Poe stood and watched Hol's face for several minutes. He searched hard for any signs of movement or distress but found nothing. Her features were mercifully still and serene for the moment. She was protected under the fog of artificial sleep.

“How long are you going to keep her under?”

The question was spoken in a near whisper. 

“Depends on her vitals, but at least a day, maybe two.”

Kalonia took the time to show him her vitals displayed on the monitor near the head of the bed, providing a brief explanation of what the numbers currently meant. For the moment, everything hovered just barely inside the acceptable range. It was far from ideal, but it was at least temporarily stable. They would have to see over the next few days how she progressed.

While standing there together, they witnessed a ripple of stiff movement pass through Hol’s limbs.

“Whoa…” Poe visibly straightened, alarm written on his face as he began to think the worst.

Kalonia’s hand found his arm.

“Those movements aren’t another seizure.” She assured him. “It’s a residual effect from nerve agent exposure. Think of it like the nerves in her body recalibrating.”

Poe nodded in quiet understanding, but all he could think about was the excuse Kalonia gave him earlier for keeping Hol restrained— how she didn’t want her to hurt herself. There was some logic behind it, he could admit that much. But now that he knew some of what happened to her, he could barely stomach the idea.

They allowed him to stay in Hol’s room overnight. Kalonia had a cot brought in for him to sleep on, but only under the condition that he promised two things: to use the refresher across the hall and to actually get some sleep.

When he was finally alone with her he felt oddly numb. There in the nearly dark ward of the medbay, he stood over Hol’s bed and just watched her. It took several minutes for him to work up the courage to approach, but he did it. His hand briefly rested on the metal railing, as if he was grounding himself before he finally reached to touch her.

His fingers snaked between her own as he slotted his hand over her's. Immediately he realized that her skin felt strangely warm, prompting him to reach up and feel the side of her face. A quick look at her vitals confirmed his suspicions, she had a low-grade fever beginning to form. 

Poe made a note to point it out to one of the medtechs when they would come to make their rounds. He touched her hand once more before he stepped back to take a seat on the unfolded cot.

From there he watched her rest. He felt the heavy pull of exhaustion on his body, but sleep was the last thing he wanted for himself. His mind was all over the place, thinking about too many things at once.

Leia would come to visit her soon. He knew that much. Once she was past the worst and strong enough to speak, they would make her issue a report and do a formal debrief in front of Leia and her counsel.

It would be long and grueling. She would have to relive everything in great detail and be thoroughly questioned. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know all of the facts himself, but he definitely knew that he didn’t want to put her through having to recount it too many times. Those meetings were meant to be classified, but it wouldn’t take long before everyone would know.

Poe so desperately wished that he could save her from that part—when everyone on base would begin to look at her differently. He knew that it was inevitable though. While he sat there next to her bed, watching over her while she slept, he could only think about what was to come.

He knew that for however long she stayed asleep in this room, she was at least protected from all that was waiting out there. The thought comforted him some, even if it was only temporary.

He also knew that the two of them needed to talk about a lot of things once she woke up.

Her position in Black Squadron needed to be rethought. It was a massive understatement to say that her flying under him was unethical. Before Hol left for Batuu they tried to be discreet about their relationship. They both told themselves that they were doing a good enough job keeping things secret, a delusion that went well past the point of denial. They thought their regular heated arguments in front of the others and their general refusal to touch each other would provide ample cover, but their sneaking off to fuck in supplies closets hadn't always been the most covert. But now that she was back, Poe was ready to throw discretion out the window. 

There were without a doubt other positions for her as a pilot, other opportunities, but it was going to be difficult convincing her. Making her understand that it wasn’t a punishment would be delicate.

He would talk it over with Leia, with some of the other squadron leaders. He would confess that he was the one in the wrong, and readily accept whatever disciplinary action came his way. They would figure something out for Hol. They had to.

Poe knew he also owed her an apology. He could have handled things differently when she volunteered for the mission, he could have spoken his mind while remaining supportive. His only memories of that conversation were just of him dressing her down, desperately trying to pull rank as a last ditch effort to keep her from leaving by herself.

The truth was that he was so fucking proud of her. During the weeks she was gone he had been livid, walking around with anger bubbling under his skin at all times. But now all he wanted was for her to hear how proud he felt, because he didn't want to leave her with those memories of their final argument.

She kept her head cool and found her way back. She survived whatever hell she fell into and fought her way out. He still couldn’t wrap his head around how she managed to pull off the execution of that landing. She had one broken arm, was trying to evade being hit with no comms system, all while coming in on fumes.

A medtech came by a couple of hours later, which woke Poe out of a light sleep.

He sat up and watched from his cot as they administered medication, checked the tubes and wires around her body to make sure nothing was out of place. 

He mentioned the fever, which thankfully hadn't climbed any higher. They started her on another course of antibiotics.

“She looks peaceful, doesn’t she?” They asked him at one point.

The very moment he heard the word a bitter taste spread across his entire tongue, making his mouth twist downward in a frown. He knew they meant well enough, but his head still snapped around to look at them in disbelief.

Because "peaceful" had never been Hol. 

Conniving.

Stubborn.

Impulsive.

A pain in his ass.

There were easily ten dozen choice adjectives he and quite a few others on this base could use to describe Hol Tarmin, but peaceful was definitely not one.

Peaceful was a word that people used to describe the dead. 

And his girl wasn’t fucking dead. 

The very idea was something he couldn’t dwell on for too long, because of the way his foundation had very nearly crumbled during those weeks she was gone. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt panic the way he had at the crash site, thinking at any moment he would be forced to helplessly watch while she slipped away from him, like watching water slowly leak out of his cupped hands.

It felt selfish to have those thoughts while she was lying there in front of him, but he was keenly aware of how impossibly lucky they were to get her back — how impossibly lucky he was.

@idkwhattoputheress @boghag-after-dark @faveficsblog @flyleaf-girl @whatthehekko @maplemind @foxilayde @arctrooper69 @pascalsaac @booktvmoviefangirl @tattooednursewrites @wild-lavender-rose @alexlynn16 @euphorealis @pioneergirlsie @lilhawkeye3 @theedgeofmagik @x-wing-dameron @kik51199 @isretroavibe @mrs-kidflash @rawrimacarebear @peterwandaparker @kassdyer @holdingthegun

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[xoxochb]

with 2024 officially coming to an end tonight I’d like to reflect back on the year and go over a few things with you all. reading this is not mandatory because this is kinda long but I’d appreciate it greatly if you did :)

earlier this year I began writing for riordanverse fandom, it had been (a fandom) I’ve been in for a longgggg time before that— since the sixth grade when I read pjo in my english class. I never could expected to gain 2k followers, including lovely mutuals and just my followers in general, but regardless of the surprise of it all I am eternally grateful for all the support and the love you have all shown me throughout my time here on tumblr. I understand that I went through some hard times, I lost mutuals, I lost followers and received death threats and relentless hate anons. and I understand there are a ton of people on here that absolutely hate my guts but I’m hoping with the new year we can mend our friendships and start over :)

but disregarding my downsides of 2024, I had an amazing year and I met tons of lovely people and made many friends, and I am forever over the moon about everyone that has stayed by me and was able to tolerate me for this long. I’m wishing everyone reading this the loveliest 2025, may this be your year, and may you find happiness.

xoxo, prue 💓💓

[sasheemo]

✨ not so smol general update ✨

Hi witches, I just wanted to pop in and take a moment to apologize for a couple of things: my ridiculously slow update schedule, the delay in replying to comments (both here on Tumblr and on AO3), and all the messages and requests sitting unanswered in my inbox.

I promise I’m not ignoring anyone, and I’m really sorry if it feels that way. The support I’ve received over the past few weeks has been incredible—way beyond anything I ever expected—and I appreciate it so fucking much.

That said, life’s been a bit of a mess lately. I just wrapped up my long-standing job and started transitioning into a new one that’s basically the polar opposite. On top of that, the holiday season has hit me like a ton of bricks—it’s always the hardest, saddest, and most draining time of year for me. Long story short, I haven’t exactly been at my best recently.

Oh, and let’s throw a creative slump into the mix, because why not? Writing’s been rough lately, and I think it’s just reflecting how I’m feeling overall. I also got an anon msg today asking for updates on When We Collide, so I’ll reply on that specific fic soon.

I just wanted to say sorry, let you know that I’m working on getting back on track, and remind you that I see you. I see all of you. Every like, every message, every repost, kudos, comment, subscription, and bookmark. And honestly, those little things have been some of the brightest spots in my days recently.

To try and shake off this creative block, I did manage to write a one-shot this past week, which I’ll be posting tomorrow— just FYI!

Thanks for sticking with me, you’re all amazing 💜